


Ever After

by StellaBGibson



Category: The Fall (TV 2013)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:34:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 34,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28512750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellaBGibson/pseuds/StellaBGibson
Summary: Stella's life with Tanya & the girls in London post-series
Relationships: Stella Gibson/Reed Smith
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stel_gibs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stel_gibs/gifts).



> I wasn't going to post this but was feeling easily influenced so it didn't take much persuading...  
> Truthfully I've only read over all of this a few times since I started it so any and all mistakes are mine  
> Some chapters will be longer than others bc until now this was one huge long 76 page document...  
> Enjoy dumpster fire number 2 of the night haha

“Mum, what are we doing here? I thought you said we were going to be tourists.” Leila asked, looking up at her mother. “This isn’t a tourist attraction. What is it?”

“It’s a police station.” Tanya told her. Really it was more like a police headquarters but the details didn’t really matter. “We won’t be long. There’s just someone I have to see.”

Leila frowned in confusion. “Why are we at a police station? Are you in trouble?”

Tanya shook her head, paying more attention to the names on the office doors than she was her daughter’s questions. “Nobody’s in trouble.”

“Then why are we here?”

“A friend works here.”

“Who? And how are they your friend if we live in Belfast?”

“Because she was in Belfast for work last year and we met then. She lives in London so I haven’t seen her for a while. I thought it would be nice to let her know we’re in town.” Tanya answered as she found the office she was looking for. She was reluctant to answer truthfully, afraid of getting Leila’s hopes up if the office was empty.

“Who?” Leila asked again, clearly unwilling to let it drop.

“Stella.” Tanya sighed in resignation.

“Stella works here?” Leila asked, scrunching up her nose. “I thought she had a fancy office.”

Tanya groaned inwardly as she noted that Stella Gibson’s office was dark and the door was locked. She was either sleeping or she wasn’t in.

“Have you got a notepad?” Tanya asked, knowing her daughter’s backpack usually contained some kind of paper.

Before Leila could answer the sound of footsteps filled the quiet hallway. “Can I help you?”

Tanya sized up the man in front of her, unsure of his rank. “I’m looking for Detective Superintendent Gibson, is she in today?”

“She was this morning but I’m sure I can help you. You are?”

“Professor Reed.”

“I can help with whatever you need. Surely you’re not one of those who will only speak to a woman. You’d likely find you need a man’s help more.”

“I really don’t think I do, to be honest. I’ll just leave DSI Gibson a note to let her know I was here. Thank you for your… help.” Tanya told him; her voice more confident than she felt.

“Oh come on, don’t be like that. Why don’t we go for a coffee, we can get to know each other more and then we can see what I can do for you?”

Tanya took a step back and tucked Leila closer in behind her, suddenly uncomfortable with the way the man seemed to be towering over her. The sound of heels coming from down the hallway put a halt to the conversation and Tanya looked straight past the man in front of her, relieved and delighted to see a flash of familiar blonde curls.

“DS Hunt, what’s going on here?” Stella’s firm tone carried down the hallway before she had even noticed Tanya and Leila. To anyone else it would sound authoritative but Tanya could hear the anger loud and clear.

Hunt turned on his heel to face his superior, almost cowering under her steely gaze as she reached him. “I was just assisting this woman and her daughter.”

At his reply, Stella’s eyes finally shifted past him and fixed on Tanya. Her face broke into a rare smile and she quickly side-stepped Hunt to reach them.

Tanya accepted Stella’s tight hug and wrapped her arms around the blonde’s waist. Stella may be smiling but the fury was rolling off of her in waves.

“It’s so good to see you, darling.” Stella beamed as she pulled back from Tanya to look her over.

“It’s good to see you, too.” Tanya replied, returning Stella’s smile.

“I’ve just got one short meeting to attend and then I’ll be with you. You can wait in my office. I’ll get you the keys.” Stella let her hand linger on Tanya’s hip as she turned to face Hunt once more, her thumb subconsciously soothing Tanya. “DS Hunt, if you’d follow me, your presence is required with DCS George and ACC Flemming.”

Tanya bit her lip in order to contain her smile when Stella gently squeezed her hip before she moved back down the hallway with Hunt following after her with his tail between his legs. Something told her he was about to be read the riot act once they were out of earshot.

It was barely two minutes later when Stella returned, rushing down the hallway with a set of keys in hand.

“I’m so sorry about that.” Stella greeted them again. “Are you two sure you’re okay?”

“We’re fine.” Tanya assured her as Stella pushed open the door and flicked on the lights. “Are _you_ alright?”

Stella sighed and pushed her hair back from her face. “The meeting I was in when you got here, and am about to return to, is dealing with DS Hunt’s recent conduct towards female witnesses, victims, even suspects. We’ve had a number of complaints. What did he do to you?”

“He was a bit full on, almost aggressive. Very insistent that I didn’t need a female officer, I needed a man to help me. He said surely I’m not one of those types that will only speak to a woman. I was uncomfortable and glad you arrived when you did but we’re okay.”

Stella nodded and took a deep breath. “I won’t be long, make yourselves at home. There’s a coffee machine in the break room across the hall as well as a vending machine. If you need any cash there should be some change in the top left drawer of my desk, help yourself.”

Leila watched Stella fix her hair once again before the blonde approached her. “Sorry about all of this. How are you sweetheart?”

“I’m okay. Mum said we would go and see the sights of London today.”

Stella chuckled at the barely concealed annoyance. “I won’t be long, then you two can be on your way. If you aren’t busy tonight, I can treat you both to dinner and a tour of my favourite attractions if you haven’t already seen them.”

Leila nodded eagerly making both Tanya and Stella smile. “Good, we can sort out the details after the meeting.” Stella told them before she took off out of the office again.

~X~

The sound of the door slamming behind Stella made DS Hunt jump, causing both Chris George and Alan Flemming to look up at her, immediately seeing the intense rage written on her face.

“DS Hunt, have you learnt _nothing_ over the course of your suspension?” Stella began as she rounded the table to face him, choosing not to sit. He looked up at her but said nothing. “You were suspended for inappropriate conduct – relating to another superior officer’s wife no less – and not one week returned from that suspension, I catch you trying to coerce my better half into what? A lunch date? With her ten year old daughter in tow. Regardless of my relationship to Professor Reed, the fact that you _still_ believe that it is acceptable or appropriate to push yourself on any woman in such a way is disgraceful. What if that woman had been subjected to a violent assault and you – a man whom she should be able to trust to help and protect her – begins demonstrating the same coercive, ignorant behaviour which commonly comes before such an attack? Do you have any idea how damaging that can be to a woman’s mental and emotional wellbeing? Do you care?”

DS Hunt stayed silent, unable to meet Stella’s eyes. “I’ve said this before to many an ignorant male, DS Hunt but I will say it to you now. A woman once asked a male friend why men felt threatened by women. He replied that they were afraid that women might laugh at them. When she asked a group of women why they felt threatened by men, they said ‘ _we’re afraid they might kill us_.’ Now, I understand that the male ego seems to be a fragile thing, nothing scares you more than the thought of some humiliation. But for women, it’s not about embarrassment, or humiliation. It’s life or death. You may not think anything of it, but you can walk home from the tube station at night without looking over your shoulder, knowing that there is a miniscule chance of something happening to you. But for someone like me, or Professor Reed, or her daughters – any woman on the planet really – it’s something we dread. I’m an experienced police officer, trained to be able to protect myself but when I leave here at eleven PM and take a train, I have to walk from the station, constantly hyperaware of my surroundings, taking note of every person who seems to be going the same way, or whom I pass on my way, just in case. If I take a cab, that means I have to give a stranger – usually male – my address and alert them to the fact that I live alone. I may be able to protect myself to some degree, but I’m five two, usually in heels and I’m not a big person. Most men are taller, bigger, stronger making the likelihood of me being able to fight them off extremely low. I have to be constantly thinking about how I can best protect myself and how I could get myself out of a dangerous situation. As a police officer, it is your job to ensure that the civilians you come into contact with feel safe in your presence, not endangered, they should not be looking for their nearest escape route.”

Stella took a deep breath. “You have to think about your stature and your attitude. You’re what, six foot two, four? Take myself or Professor Reed for example. In stature you tower above us, even wearing heels, that in itself is imposing. When you have an aggressive, forward attitude and show no care, compassion, or kindness in conversation, regardless of how capable we may be, when backed into a corner, it’s hard not to feel intimidated.”

The room fell silent when Stella finished her lecture. DS Hunt’s eyes stayed on the table in front of him as Stella finally sat down between her bosses. Stella let her mind wander, paying no attention to the second round of lecturing DS Hunt was receiving from their bosses. Instead, her thoughts were on Tanya and Leila. She hadn’t been expecting Tanya to even be in London never mind appear at her workplace. Now, she was concerned about how the run in with Hunt had affected them.

She vaguely heard ACC Flemming dismiss Hunt and when she heard the door close behind him, Stella let her head fall into her hands. “Fuck!”

The shout brought her to the centre of George & Flemming’s attention and she felt their eyes on her.

“You alright?” It was George who asked the question and Stella sighed before she answered.

“Tanya’s ex-husband used to use his size against her in arguments. As far as I’m aware, he never actually hit her but that doesn’t mean he didn’t do damage. She did well not to completely freeze back there with the way he was backing her against the wall.”

“Is she okay?” Flemming asked in concern.

“I hope so.” Stella answered before she picked up her files and headed back towards her office.

~X~

Tanya looked up hopefully at the sound of heels approaching and was relieved when Stella stormed into the office and dropped the files on the desk. The blonde let out a long breath and composed herself before she turned back to look at Tanya and Leila.

“I’m sorry that took so long, did you find the coffee?”

Tanya nodded and held up her cup. “What’s wrong?”

Stella rummaged in her drawer and pulled out some coins. She crossed the room to Leila and whispered something in her ear before dropping the money into her hands causing the girl to almost skip out of the room in excitement.

With Leila gone, Stella returned to where Tanya was sitting in front of her desk and perched against the wooden ledge beside her. “Hunt was suspended not long ago for a similar incident. He cornered my boss’ wife near the bathroom, got caught then, too. He’s been back a week, and not only has he cornered you, but we’ve had some reports of inappropriate comments to female PCs. I don’t trust him as far as I could throw him.”

Tanya simply nodded and refused to meet Stella’s eyes. The blonde took a hand from her lap and cupped Tanya’s cheek, lifting her chin in order to look into her eyes. “Talk to me.”

Tanya took a deep breath, Stella’s tender tone bringing tears to her eyes. “It was like Daniel all over again. He was so close and I couldn’t move any further back. And I had Leila to protect. I was so, so glad you came when you did.”

Stella said nothing but pulled Tanya into her, hugging her close to her chest. She pressed a loving kiss to her dark hair, her heart breaking when she felt Tanya’s body shudder.

“Leila…” Tanya tried to sit up but Stella only pulled her closer, one hand cradling her head.

“Don’t worry about her. I gave her cash and directed her to the office of my right hand. Jenny will take good care of her and bring her back once you’ve been able to let it out.” Stella assured her, stroking the dark hair.

Tanya relaxed into Stella’s embrace and let out another soft sob. Stella looked up as a figure appeared in her doorway and was relieved to see it was only DCS George, his hand poised to knock.

When he saw Tanya curled against Stella’s chest he simply waved a hand in dismissal and disappeared towards his own office.

A small whisper from Tanya brought Stella’s attention back to the present and she let the other woman pull back a little, still holding on.

“I thought he was going to hit me.” Tanya admitted. She had averted her eyes and this time Stella let her, simply running a hand through her long dark hair.

“Hunt or Daniel?”

“Hunt.” Tanya let out a humourless laugh. “Daniel _did_ , liked to throw me against the walls first, though.”

Stella’s heart broke and her blood boiled, glad she was no longer in the same city as Tanya’s disgusting ex-husband. “I’m so sorry, darling. I won’t let it happen again. I won’t let anyone hurt you, I promise.”

“I know.” Tanya told her, finally making eye contact. She gave Stella a small smile and pulled back. “Thank you.”

Stella only nodded before she rounded her desk and pulled a pack of makeup wipes from the drawer, offering it to Tanya. “If you want, there’s a bathroom two doors down. It locks so you’ll have some privacy.”

Tanya thanked her again and as soon as she had left the office Stella was on the warpath. She went to the first place she decided Hunt may be.

~X~

DCS George and DS Hunt looked up in shock as the door to George’s office was thrown open and Stella stormed into the room for the second time that day.

“I hope you’re fucking happy, Hunt.” Stella snapped as she rounded on the man. “I’ve just had my girlfriend crying her eyes out in my office because thanks to you, she’s now battling memories of her ex-husband bouncing her off walls and beating her if she dared to disagree with him. Do you have even the slightest idea of how much damage you’ve done just because you have no fucking concept of how to leave women the fuck alone?”

“Stella…” George rounded his desk and put a cautious hand on her elbow, pulling her out of Hunt’s face.

“Get the fuck off me, Chris.” Stella yanked her arm out of his grip. She looked back at Hunt, eyes full of rage and disgust. “You so much as look at her again, I don’t care for the consequences I will put you through the floor.”

“Okay! Stella- not the kind of threats you want to make in the presence of your boss.” Chris pulled her away from Hunt for the second time and directed her towards the door. “Take the rest of the day. Make sure Tanya is okay, spend the day with her and her daughter.”

“Chris, I’m f-” Stella began to interrupt but one look from her boss and she stopped, allowing him to guide her into the hallway.

Once out of Hunt’s earshot, Chris lowered his voice and looked her in the eyes. “Stella, I understand the rage. Kat didn’t have the PTSD to deal with and I wanted to kill him for putting her in that position, but I can’t sit by and allow you to threaten him in my office. Take the rest of the day, spend time with Tanya and her daughter, make sure they’re okay. Make sure _you’re_ okay.”

“Chris…”

“You’re not in trouble, Stella. But I know that so long as you’re worrying about Tanya, no work will be done today. And I don’t want to run the risk of a homicide at the coffee machine at any point today.” Chris told her. “You’re more than welcome to come back tomorrow. But take the rest of today. I’ll make sure Flemming is aware of the impact of Hunt’s actions and keep you posted if I hear back.”

Stella only nodded and thanked him quietly, turning to head back to find Tanya.


	2. Chapter 2

Stella sighed happily as she strolled along the Thames, Tanya’s hand tucked into her own and stuffed into her pocket for warmth. Leila walked a few paces ahead of them, taking endless pictures of various sights as she went. It was nearing seven PM but the sky was dark and the city was lit up.

Spring was Stella’s favourite time of year, but she had a soft spot for evenings like this. When it was dark, the ground was wet but the air dry and a soft breeze blew the hair from her face. It wasn’t quite winter yet, but there was a chill in the air and she surmised it wouldn’t be long until they could see their breath.

“Thank you for today.” Tanya’s voice broke her out of her thoughts and Stella turned her head to look at her. “I know your boss sent you home, but it’s been nice, spending the afternoon with you and Leila.”

“It has been. I’m just sorry that your visit go off to such a horrible start.” Stella told her, giving her hand a squeeze.

Tanya sighed and shook her head. “It’s not your fault. Thank you, though, for being there for me. For not running a mile when I told you about Daniel, the first time or today.”

“I would never.” Stella assured her. She brought them to a halt and glanced at Leila to make sure she had noticed and stopped too. Satisfied that the girl was staying nearby she turned to face Tanya. “There is nothing you could do that would make me want to run from you. I hit the jackpot with you. It’s not often that people are so patient with me, who pull me back when I push them away and are willing to take the time to prove to me that they’re not going anywhere. What happened to you in your past isn’t your fault. I know you know that, but it has nothing to do with who you are, and everything to do with what type of person he is. It’s a difficult road out of it, but you’re coming back stronger. I have nothing but love, adoration and respect for you, regardless of how you may feel about yourself.”

Tanya’s breath caught in her throat and she searched Stella’s blue eyes. “You truly love me?”

Stella bit her lip and glanced back to Leila for a second before meeting Tanya’s eyes again. “You know I do. But I’ll repeat myself as many times as it takes for you to believe it.”

Tanya smiled brightly as her eyes sparkled with tears. “I love you, too.”

Stella smiled and removed her free hand from her pocket to cup Tanya’s jaw and pull her in for a soft kiss. When they parted she smiled softly and then looked up at the time displayed on the clock at the top of Big Ben. “It’s almost seven.”

Tanya groaned and called for Leila to join them. Her youngest daughter had spent the day shopping with her paternal grandparents, Leila had opted to spend the day sightseeing with Tanya instead, via a trip to Stella’s office. She was grateful when Daniel’s parents had offered to have the girls stay with them for two or three nights during their trip. It gave her time to spend with Stella without the threat of traumatising her children.

“So Daniel’s parents…” Stella began, unsure of what she was actually asking.

“They’re fantastic people.” Tanya answered. “When they found out the truth, they called and offered me and the girls a place to stay, told me that if I took him to court they would testify against him if they had to. They adopted him when he was almost Leila’s age, before that he had a bad start to life. They gave him a stable childhood but the damage was already done, I suppose.”

“Do they know?” Stella asked before clarifying. “About us, I mean?”

“They don’t care.” Tanya nodded. “That came out wrong. What I mean is, that so long as me and the girls are safe and happy, they don’t care about who it’s with. Male or female. They’re a lot more open minded than my family. They’ll love you.”

Stella only nodded, any response cut off by an excited squeal. “Stella!”

She turned to see Tanya’s youngest daughter sprinting towards her and managed to free her hands from her pockets just in time to catch the girl. “Hi sweetheart.”

“I missed you!”

“Emma, why don’t you let Stella put you down so I can introduce her to Nan and Grandad?” Tanya asked, her suggestion being met with a sad frown from Emma and a gentle shake of the head from Stella.

Tanya only smiled as the older couple reached them and greeted her and Leila with tight hugs. “Stella, meet the girls’ grandparents, Colin and Eileen Smith. Colin, Eileen, my girlfriend, Stella Gibson.”

Stella felt the tight ball of nerves in her stomach as she shook Colin’s hand and was pulled into a warm hug by Eileen.

“It’s great to finally meet you!” Eileen beamed. “Emma has barely stopped talking about you all day and from what I’ve heard, you make our Tanya very happy.”

Stella’s eyes shot to Tanya’s unsure of what to say and feeling out of her depth. Colin caught the look and was quick to change the subject. “I hear you’re a police officer?”

Stella nodded as Emma lifted her head from her shoulder and attempted to inform her grandad of Stella’s rank. “Tetective Superhero.”

Stella laughed as Tanya corrected her. “Detective Superintendent, honey.”

“She’s got a fancy office like you see on TV shows!” Leila exclaimed. “And she shouts at bad men.”

Stella let out a short laugh and ran a hand over Leila’s hair before she looked up at Colin to clarify. “My office is like a cardboard box in comparison to movies, though as of late I do seem to have developed a habit of shouting at bad men.”

“Either way, Detective Superintendent is impressive. You plan on going higher?”

Stella thought for a moment. “I’d like to but I’m not sure how much higher. I like the investigating, I’m not sure I’d manage being stuck behind a desk and dealing with the press and the politics in policing all day every day.”

“From what we’ve seen, love, you’re very good with the press. You handle yourself well on camera.” Eileen told her in an attempt at a compliment.

Stella smiled and thanked her awkwardly. Tanya seemed to sense her growing panic and turned to her girls. “Okay, time to say goodbye. Have a fun time with Nan and Grandad, don’t stay up too late and be on your best behaviour please.”

Stella hugged both girls again and big goodbye to Colin and Eileen before she turned back to Tanya and let out a sigh. “Now what?”

“Food?”

Stella nodded and took Tanya’s hand in her own once again, leading her to a small pub nearby.

~X~

The pub was crowded, more so than they expected and as they reached the bar, Stella realised they would be lucky to find a table. She heard Tanya order their drinks as she scanned the room, surprised when her eyes landed on a familiar face.

Once Tanya had handed over her glass, Stella led her across the room to the table her boss occupied with his wife. Kat insisted that they share the table and Stella let Tanya slide into the booth first before she sat down at the edge, across from Chris.

“Tanya, my boss DCS Chris George and his wife Katherine. Chris, Kat, this is my girlfriend, Tanya.”

Chris smiled and shook her hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you. Personally and professionally.”

The small joke brought a chuckle from everyone at the table as Tanya replied. “All good things, I hope.”

Chris nodded and motioned for a waiter to bring them some menus. “Of course. I don’t think Stella here could say anything bad about you if her life depended on it.”

Tanya and Stella both smiled before Chris’ demeanour turned serious. “I’m not sure if Stella told you, but ACC Flemming has suspended DS Hunt pending a hearing. There’s a good chance he’ll be let go or at very least demoted and transferred to an office-based role.” Chris sighed. “What he did to you today, he did to Kat a while ago. We’re not going to let it happen again. I have to say though, Stella on the warpath is a terrifying sight. Hunt looked considerably more scared of her than he did of me when I went after him.”

Tanya turned to look at Stella in mock disapproval and Stella gave her an incredulous shrug. “What? I wasn’t going to let him get away with scaring you like that, never mind that Leila was with you, too.”

The conversation was brought to an end when the waiter came to order their food and Stella was glad for the change in subject.

“So Stella mentioned you live in Belfast, what’s brought you to London?” Kat asked.

“Aside from Stella?” Tanya joked. “I’m looking at a few jobs over here, actually.”

Stella’s head snapped around to look at Tanya as she kept talking. “Stella is over here and so are the girls’ grandparents. There’s no reason for me to stay in Belfast, really.”

“Really?” Stella asked quietly, her hand finding Tanya’s thigh under the table.

Tanya nodded. “We’re always talking about how we wish we were closer, so I thought why not just move?”

Stella was lost for words but her eyes told Tanya all she needed to know.

“Have you found somewhere to live yet?” Chris asked.

Tanya shook her head. “That might take a while. It also depends on what job I end up in what I can afford. I just need to make sure the girls have their own space or it’ll be world war three in no time.”

Stella bit her lip. She was itching to suggest that Tanya stay with her. She had the room, her house really was too big for just her, and the girls would have a bedroom each. But she knew that an impromptu dinner date with her boss was not the time or the place, even if they had been friends before they were colleagues.

“You’ll find something, there’s a lot more than you think on the market these days. What jobs are you looking at?” Kat asked.

As Tanya answered, Chris looked across the table and looked over Stella. The blonde was sitting back against the cushioned seat, one arm propping her head up on the back of the booth while the other held her drink. Her eyes were on Tanya, seemingly lost in either the sound of her voice or taking in her features, Chris couldn’t be sure.

When Tanya had finished talking Chris stood from the booth and looked around the nearly empty drinks on the table. He announced that the next round was on him and nodded for Stella to join him at the bar.

~X~

At the bar, Stella stood beside Chris wondering why he had wanted her company. She got her answer as soon as he had ordered their drinks.

“You are head over heels for her aren’t you?” He said it with a wide grin and Stella knew she couldn’t deny it. “It’s good to see you happy. It’s obvious she loves you just as much. But I’ve never seen you this into someone. You can’t take your eyes off her, it’s like you’re literally hanging on her every word, even the things you already know.”

“She’s been through a lot. I’m proud of how far she’s come. And I’m amazed at how patient she was with me when she had no reason to be.” Stella told him. “I’d do anything for her. Whatever she asks without hesitation.”

“You wanted to ask her to move in with you before.” Chris told her. “It was written all over your face.”

“It wasn’t the right time.”

“No.” Chris agreed. “But you should ask her. Something tells me she’d agree in a heartbeat. She looks at you the same way you look at her.”

Stella felt her cheeks flush and turned her gaze to where Kat and Tanya seemed to be deep in conversation.

~X~

“I know you may not want to talk about it.” Kat started once Stella and Chris were gone. “But what happened at the station this morning, are you okay?”

Tanya shrugged. “It brought up some tough memories but I’ll be okay. I have Stella now and I trust her.”

“You should.” Kat said genuinely. “Chris told me that she read that DS the riot act twice today. The first time she lectured him about the dangers of being a woman and the fear that men can cause. The second time she stormed into Chris’ office and threatened to put the DS through the floor if he so much as looked at you again.”

“So that’s why she was sent home early today.” Tanya chuckled but inwardly her heart swelled at the thought of Stella protecting her. “It’s probably not the kind of thing you should say in front of your boss, I imagine.”

Kat laughed with her. “No, I suppose not. But I suppose they’re not your average boss/subordinate combination, either. They met when they were both at uni studying criminal psychology. She was the responding officer when his father committed suicide, helped him through the whole process. She was the one he spoke to when I lost our first baby, he wanted to be strong for me but I was glad he had someone to talk to. He was her support when she had some medical issues. They were partners for a while working with survivors of rape and domestic violence. Since then they’ve risen through the ranks together. You don’t have to worry, though. Nothing ever has or ever will happen between them. I was already with Chris when they met, they’re more like brother and sister than anything else. And she is madly in love with you. You should see the way she looks at you, she doesn’t care if we’re looking or not.”

Tanya smiled. “That feeling is definitely mutual.”

“I’m glad. She deserves to be happy, and she is. Happier than I’ve ever seen her.”

Their conversation was interrupted when Stella and Chris returned at the same time as their food arrived.

The ate in silence for a few moments, relishing the hot food before Kat was the first to kickstart the conversation again. “So Tanya, how old are your girls?”

“Leila is ten and Emma is six. It feels like yesterday I was staring at Leila wondering how on earth I was supposed to keep her alive on my own. Sometimes I still feel that way when I look at them.” Tanya joked. “Do you guys have any children?”

Chris nodded. “Two boys and a girl. Our eldest is Sam, he’s fourteen, then there’s Max at ten and Ella is two.”

“Stella’s their godmother.” Kat added.

Tanya smiled as she finished her food, listening to Stella asking about the kids and their schools and activities. Until the first meeting with her daughter, she had never been sure what to make of Stella with children, but after the initial shyness of meeting someone new, the girls had opened up to her and Stella in return had given her all to the girls and making sure they were happy.

~X~

Stella sighed in relief as she closed the door behind herself and Tanya, watching her girlfriend hang her jacket up and kick off her shoes. It was nice to be in out of the cold after their leisurely walk from the tube station to her house. She nodded when Tanya offered to make her a cup of tea before moving upstairs to change out of her work clothes.

It had been a long day. Despite the bad start, it had been a wonderful afternoon and the conversation she’d had with Chris in the pub lingered in her mind, especially when Tanya appeared in the doorway to the bedroom carrying two mugs of tea. She leaned against the doorpost, watching Stella change.

It was all so domestic but for the first time Stella found that the thought didn’t terrify her. Instead it warmed her heart and she bit back a smile at the thought of seeing Tanya every day.

“What are you smiling about?” Tanya asked as she handed over Stella’s cup.

“You.” Stella shrugged simply. “Help yourself to some more comfortable clothes if you want, you know where everything is.”

Tanya did as suggested and then climbed onto the large comfortable bed beside Stella, letting out a happy sigh when the blonde pulled her against her side, an arm around her shoulders with a hand in her hair.

“I missed you.” Stella said quietly, her cheek resting atop Tanya’s head. “I don’t like it when you’re gone.”

Tanya tried to look up at Stella but the angle made it impossible so settled for resting her head against the blonde’s shoulder. “I missed you, too. I don’t like it when I’m gone, either.”

Stella took a deep breath, aware that Tanya could likely hear her heart hammering in her chest. Her hand played with a strand of Tanya’s dark hair as she finally gathered the courage to speak. “What if you stayed here for a while?”

Tanya sat up to look at Stella and the blonde let her, worrying that she’d moved too fast. Brown eyes found blue and Stella bit her lip.

“It doesn’t have to be permanent.” Stella added quickly. “Unless you wanted it to be. You could stay here with the girls until you find your own place, if that was something you wanted?”

Tanya took a moment to take in the uncertainty in Stella’s eyes. It was unlike her and it only made an appearance when she was truly deeply nervous about something. “I’d like that.”

Stella let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “Really?”

Tanya nodded. “But what if I didn’t want to look for my own place? I mean I will, if you want some space, but-”

Stella silenced her girlfriend’s nervous rambling with a kiss and when she pulled back, Tanya looked stunned. The blonde smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind Tanya’s ear. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want you around all the time. So long as you and your girls are happy, that’s all that matters. You don’t have to give me an answer today, or even during this trip. Think about it, talk to the girls, talk to their grandparents, but do what you feel is best for you.”

Tanya smiled brightly at her and pulled her in for another soft kiss. “Thank you."


	3. Chapter 3

Chris knew something was wrong as soon as Stella set foot in the room. Her body language was a mixture of anger and intense sadness and his stomach dropped as he wondered if something had gone wrong with Tanya. He kept his eyes on her as she entered his office without a knock and closed the door behind her. He knew better than to ask what was wrong, instead he stayed silent and waited for her to talk to him. He didn’t have to wait long.

“Tanya’s back in Belfast.”

Chris frowned, his mind racing to think of what could have gone so incredibly wrong in the eight hours since he’d last seen the blonde that her girlfriend had fled the country. “What happened?”

Stella sighed and dropped into the chair across the desk from Chris. “A number of things, actually.”

“List them.”

“The journalist who plagued the case, Ned Callan, found out about our relationship. He printed pictures of what I suppose you could call our first unofficial date, when I kissed her to stop a sleazy solicitor from chatting her up when he wasn’t taking no for an answer.” Stella began. “Her job is in trouble now, in part because of the article, and in part because she took some pictures for me, of injuries caused by an assault. I never reported it but now she’s in trouble because she didn’t either. Granted she’s leaving anyway but that’s not the point.” Stella ranted. “And thirdly, the assault I didn’t report has now found its way back to the anti-corruption unit at the PSNI and they’ve opened an investigation into it meaning that I could end up having to go back to Belfast to testify.”

Chris took a calculated breath. It was no surprise that Stella was angry, it was a lot to unpack and he knew she would feel incredibly violated in more ways than one. “Is Tanya okay?”

Stella sighed. “She says she is. The girls are still here with their grandparents but she took off for the airport at four o’clock this morning and I haven’t been able to get in touch with her since. I got one message telling me she was fine and not to worry and that was it.”

Chris nodded. “Are you okay?” Stella simply shrugged and he let her off the hook for now. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, Stella. But the assault… what happened? Why didn’t you tell me? Especially if you were injured?”

Stella took a deep breath. “So much happened that night that it was easier to focus on the more pressing issues for a while. The same night I kissed Tanya, the night Spector was in my hotel room. Jim Burns came to my room drunk. He was a mess. He started begging me for sex. I said no and he didn’t listen. He shoved me against the wall and pinned me there, pinned my wrists above my head. I managed to get one hand free and broke his nose, but not before he had his trousers around his ankles and was going for mine.”

Stella refused to meet his eyes and Chris felt his blood boiling. Before he could say anything on the matter, Stella continued.

“I had bruises on my wrists, back and thighs from the way he had me pinned. I also broke my hand but that was me, not him. I punched the bathroom counter.” Stella subconsciously flexed her right hand, feeling the slight stiffness where the break had been. “I went to the hospital the next day to have it checked and they put it in a splint for a while. The doctor saw the bruises on my wrist and wrote up a report for me, I got Tanya to document the bruises before they faded.”

Chris realised where she was going and voiced his thoughts. “You were going to report it. What changed?”

“The case. I knew there was a chance if I reported it that they would pull both Burns and I off the task force, that they would question every decision we made or any information we had handled together. We couldn’t afford that with Rose Stagg still missing. When Spector died, there was enough media attention on us all already. Not only did he get shot in police custody, he then also was able to commit suicide while supposedly in a secure facility under the highest level of observation. It was a shit show. The entire task force were under the microscope. They already wanted my head on a chopping block. If I had reported it at the time it would have looked like I was crying rape in an attempt to get them off my back or to try to make the public feel sorry for me. So I kept it to myself. Both Tanya and the doctor at the hospital tried to change my mind, many, many times. I never meant for them to get into trouble.”

“The doctor is in trouble too?”

Stella shook her head. “I’m not sure but do far it doesn’t sound like it. I saw the notes he made on my record. Just that he had observed a number of dark bruises but that I had declined medical treatment and requested that the police not be contacted. So I think he might be covered. Only time will tell.”

“What does Tanya have to say about it all?”

“She wished I had reported it but she understood to an extent why I didn’t. She took the photos on her work camera, labelled them as evidence just in case but never filed them, she just kept them in her desk drawer.”

“If you need to go to Belfast consider it done. I’ll redistribute your more pressing cases if needed. And if there’s anything I can do to help you or Tanya, do let me know.”

Stella thanked him and took a deep breath to soothe her anger before she stood to make her way back to her own office. There was no doubt that someone from PSNI would be in touch soon, but she could only hope that whatever happened next was less of a shit show than her last dealings with them.

~X~

It wasn’t often that Chris came close to losing the handle on his anger. But now, staring at the case file and the email in front of him, he wasn’t sure he would be able to keep his cool if he read on further.

On his desk sat a file, sent over from Belfast filled with pictures of Stella’s bruises, a report from Dr Joe O’Donnell at Belfast General detailing Stella’s injuries and the break to her hand. Also in the file was a handwritten statement from Stella, something he had skimmed over but had yet to read in detail.

The email was what really had his blood boiling. Since Burns’ resignation, PSNI had declared that hey were limited in their options. They were demanding that Stella attend a number of interviews surrounding the incident and the email had suggested that he have a word with his officer regarding her sexual habits of mixing business with pleasure and her tendency towards rough sex. He was relieved that she was a Met officer, the PSNI seemed all too eager to punish Stella for the assault she had suffered and it was something that he and ACC Flemming had already decided was not going to happen.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock as Stella appeared in the doorway, suitcase at her feet. “Ready to go?”

Chris only nodded and shut the file, stuffing it into his briefcase and closing down his computer. When Stella’s presence in Belfast had been demanded it had been an instant decision that he would go with her for support, if not to show the PSNI that the Metropolitan Police were behind her and she had their support. ACC Flemming was prepared to join them at a moments’ notice if it turned nasty.

The journey to the airport was silent and it wasn’t until they had taken off that Stella finally brought up the reason for their trip. “Chris, how much do you know about what happened when I was in Belfast?”

Chris thought for a moment. He knew the media had turned on Stella quickly, nobody was a fan of an outside officer coming in and running the investigation, but he hadn’t paid much attention to the articles. He knew from experience that there was little truth to the words splashed across the pages.

“I know they turned on you, that no matter what you did they were never happy. I also know that there are decisions you could have made differently when it came to Spector.”

Stella nodded when she realised he wasn’t going to say any more. “I only expected to be there a week or two. Nobody was happy to find out I slept with Olson. Not the press, not the PSNI, not even me after a day or two. But one night was all it took for them to form an opinion of me. Especially when he was shot the next day. But Tanya…”

Stella looked out of the tiny plastic window for a moment to gather herself. “It was never like that with her. I knew as soon as I met her that she was different. I wasn’t sure how but after that night I kissed her… She doesn’t deserve to be dragged through all of this. Was I selfish when I slept with Olson? Probably. Was it a mistake to sleep with Anderson? Definitely. But I never regretted anything that happened with Tanya.”

“It’s not fair that you’re both being dragged through this. Your name has been dragged through the mud by the press as it is without the assault being pinned on you too. It’s exceptionally unfair that Tanya is being punished it seems for even associating herself with you. But she’s told you time and time again that she’s got your back, she’ll be right beside you through all of this. She clearly doesn’t regret being with you so don’t push her away in some obscure attempt at protecting her.” Chris responded.

“It’s like a circus for them. They’ve essentially invited us over here to make a show of the fact that men can do whatever they like and get away with it. It doesn’t matter who they are or who their victims are, they’ll never get the punishment they deserve.” Stella sighed. “I’m well aware that they’re going to make us sit through an investigation, take my statement countless times, question me like I’m some kind of criminal, simply to give Burns a slap on the wrist at the very worst. The worst that will happen is that he’ll likely be asked to refrain from contacting me unless it involves work. There is no best-case scenario.”

Chris let out a long breath. Stella was right. The PSNI still had some warped views about the hold a man should have over a woman. It’s likely part of the reason they had been so quick to persecute Stella. She took a stand against the toxicity of the masculine environment she worked in. She put her trust in other female officers, she pushed back when the men in the office tried to walk all over her. She owned her sexuality and her femininity and she knew her strengths. She was intelligent and powerful and it made men fear her. Had he not known her so long Chris knew he would be terrified of her. As it was he made an explicit effort not to end up on her bad side.

The flight was short and uneventful, both officers stuck in their own heads about they were about to face. When they landed, Stella’s phone chimed with an incoming message and they stopped walking as she dug it out of her bag to read it.

“Shit.” Stella’s comment brought Chris’ attention from his own phone to her unreadable expression. Seeing the question in his eyes when she looked at him she explained. “Tanya’s just sent me a link to an article written by none other than Ned Callan. It goes into great detail about what happened that night, and it completely vilifies me for daring to accuse Burns. It’s the exact reason I didn’t report him. I knew this would happen.”

Another message from Tanya cut off any reply could give. This time Stella’s face dropped. “Apparently it’s a slow week for the press in Belfast. Tanya says they’re all waiting to welcome me back.”

Chris heard the eyeroll in her voice rather than saw it. This time instead of an incoming message, it was an incoming call and Stella wore an expression of confusion with a soft smile.

“Gibson.” Stella answered, listening to what the caller was saying before her head snapped in the direction of the automatic sliding doors. “Thank you, Dani.”

Chris found himself mute and clueless once again as Stella grabbed her bags before directing him closer to the wall, seemingly settling in to wait for something or someone.

“That was PC Ferrington. She was my right hand while I was here before. She and her partner are on their way, along with a couple of others with an armoured car to get us out of here.”

“It’s that bad?” Chris had to stop his jaw from dropping.

Stella shrugged. “Burns goes everywhere in one, has a private driver and everything. Last time I was here they let me drive around in an unmarked BMW with a dodgy lock.”

Before Chris could say another word, Stella’s head lifted in the direction of the doors again and she gave a tight smile, greeting the four PCs and the two other suited officers who met them.

“Chris, PCs Ferrington and Stone, Hagstrom and Bell, DCs McNally and Martin.” Stella introduced. “My boss, DCS George.”

Chris shook their hands in greeting. “How bad is it?”

It was McNally who spoke up, visibly cutting her partner off. “It’s bad. They want Detective Superintendent Gibson’s head on the chopping block. The press are out for blood, they haven’t gotten over the fact that Spector was shot while handcuffed to a police officer, and then managed to commit suicide while under observation. They think we didn’t do enough to prevent Mrs Spector from harming her children. And they believe that this is nothing more than a woman pissed off that things didn’t go her way.”

“So what’s the plan now?” Stella asked.

“You still have a number of officers behind you, Ma’am. Namely most of the task force. We saw Burns’ behaviour and persistence when it came to second guessing your decisions or outright contradicting them. We saw him following you around like a wounded puppy. He’s known for promoting male officers over more qualified female officers, and things like that.” McNally explained. “DCI Eastwood also has a firm dislike of Burns and fortunately is the one heading the investigation. If you’re okay with it, he’s asked us to escort you to his office now.”

“That’s fine.” Stella nodded. She was relieved that it was at least somebody she knew who was handling her case against Burns. It didn’t mean that it would go her way, but at least she had someone who outranked her fighting her corner.

“McNally and I have the armoured car. You’ll ride with us. Ferrington and Stone will take the lead, Hagstrom and Bell will bring up the rear. Eastwood has arranged for a detail to be posted outside your hotel room twenty-four seven, too.”

Stella only nodded and steeled herself as she and Chris found themselves surrounded by the Irish officers, making their way towards the crowd of journalists waiting outside for them.


	4. Chapter 4

Eastwood stood at the sound of heels approaching his office. It may have been a while but he would recognise the sound anywhere, not one person he knew wore heels like those to work.

“DCI Eastwood.” Stella gave him the same tight smile she had greeted the others with. “I’d say it’s good to see you but under these circumstances I’m afraid that would be false. This is my boss, DCS Chris George. Chris, DCI Matthew Eastwood.”

“I apologise for having to bring you all the way out here. I fought them tooth and nail but they were having none of it.” Eastwood sighed as they all sat down.

“What can you tell us?” Chris asked, flattening his tie.

Stella and Chris stayed silent as Eastwood outlined the case in detail to them, explaining that Burns had ‘taken a step back’ for the time being. They all knew that it was more than likely that as soon as the case was closed, he’d get his job back or get a promotion.

“Stella, I’m sorry to have to ask, but it’s a hot topic in the press and even the PSNI right now…” Eastwood sighed reluctantly. “Professor Reed-Smith-”

“It’s Reed.” Stella cut him off. “She’s divorced.”

“Okay. You and Professor Reed. What happened there?”

“It’s not what happened, Eastwood, it’s what’s happening.” Stella told him, holding a steady eye contact and a formidably straight face. “We met on the case, became close, went on a few dates, and she’s been my girlfriend ever since. When this all blew up she was in my bed, in London, talking about our future.”

“I wasn’t aware-”

“That’s because we value our private life.” Stella scoffed. “But it seems when it comes to Belfast there is no such thing. She’s lost her job over this. They made some bullshit excuse about how she wasn’t performing as well as she used to, how she was missing things in her autopsies. Luckily just a few hours prior to receiving word of this shit show, she was offered a job in London. One which has assured her that their offer still stands because they’re not misogynistic, homophobic, bureaucratic bastards and they can actually value a woman and her intelligence regardless of what she does or who she’s with when she goes home.”

Stella sighed but made no move to apologise for her rant. Her voice had lowered to just above a whisper when she continued. “The fact that I’m in a relationship with a woman should have no bearing on the fact that had I not managed to get my hand free, it’s likely that Jim Burns would have raped me that night. But since I know how things are twisted over here, I am well aware that a potential argument that could be put forward is that Burns was sticking to his faith or felt that it was his duty to turn me straight or some other catholic crap like that. I can tell you now that there was no way he possibly knew I’m not. Since I’ve known him, my only relationships, however short-lived have been with men. It was, at the very most, an hour before his arrival at my hotel room that I kissed Professor Reed. Given his state when he appeared at my door, I’m willing to bet he came straight from a bar, one cheaper than Bert’s so the likelihood that he saw us is minimal. As far as Burns knew I was nothing more than heterosexual.”

Chris put a hand on Stella’s arm in an attempt to calm her, something which did not go unnoticed by Eastwood. He couldn’t help but wonder what the relationship between the pair was. Clearly Stella was in a steady relationship with Professor Reed but that didn’t mean she didn’t have a history with DCS George.

“I won’t pretend to understand what this is like for either of you, or to understand how you feel. But I trust you, Stella. And despite our differences at the start, I’d like to think we’ve come far enough since then for you to trust me. At least to some degree. You know I dislike Burns. I’d much rather see him out of a job and in rehab than anything else but we both know that’s highly unlikely. I assume you noticed earlier that your escort was comprised of key members of the task force, that was no coincidence. Burns has a fragile ego as you well know. If he sees that so many people are willing to take your side over his as it were, he may be more likely to fold under pressure.”

Stella shook her head. She knew Jim. There was no way he would back down and accept that he had been wrong. “Before I went to interview Spector for the first time, we were in my office. I told him Spector wasn’t a monster, he was just a man. He said ‘I’m a man’ as if that changed anything. He was entirely unable to see that despite that I was fighting him, saying no clearly, almost begging him to stop and near tears, his own urges were too strong for him to deny. Just like Spector’s urges fuelled him to attack Fiona Gallagher, Alice Monroe, Sarah Kay, Annie Brawley and to kidnap Rose. His urges were so strong that he killed Annie Brawley’s brother in order to be able to have his way with her. Jim’s were so strong that if not for luck, he would have had his way with me. He’s going to insist with all that he has that it wasn’t his fault, that the drink made him do it. The problem with that reasoning is that alcohol only amplifies what is already there, it doesn’t make you a different person.”

Eastwood agreed and took down notes, asking Stella questions specifically relevant to the case and doing his best to avoid travelling into personal territory, something she appreciated greatly.

“Last thing and then you’re free to leave.” Eastwood started. “Burns has stated that you and he previously had a sexual relationship?”

“Jesus Chris.” Stella rolled her eyes. “It was many, many years ago. We worked on a case together which affected us both in ways we’d rather not talk about. We slept together a handful of times throughout. When I realised he was becoming attached and then found out he was married, I put a stop to it. During the Spector case Burns announced to me that he would have left his wife for me. I told him it would have been a mistake.”

“How long ago, roughly?”

Stella thought as she tried to count back in her head. “I was still a PC, so likely fifteen years, give or take.”

Eastwood nodded and thanked her and Chris for their time before he watched them walk away, McNally and Martin waiting dutifully to drive them to their hotel.

~X~

Stella groaned inwardly when she saw the door connecting her room to Chris’. Of course she knew it was luck of the draw, and potentially a safer bet than entirely separate rooms, but with Tanya due to join her within the hour, she couldn’t help but be a little frustrated.

A knock at the very object of her annoyance drew a sigh from her lips before she made her way across the room and opened it to see Chris leaning against the door post.

“I bet you’re delighted with this setup.” Chris lifted his eyes, looking at the door frame by way of explanation. “I can ask for another room if you want.”

Stella moved towards the couch in her own room and left him to follow. She shook her head. “It’s not like we could make a great deal of noise anyway, not with Dani and her partner outside the door. I’d like for her to still be able to look me in the eye the next time I speak to her.”

Chris chuckled. “Noting that you don’t seem to give a shit if I hear you?”

Stella rolled her eyes and threw a cushion at him. “Nothing you haven’t heard before.”

Chris grimaced at the memory of their shared flat while they were at university. There was a definite difference between being young rebellious students, determined to piss off their grumpy neighbours and being grown adults who were supposed to know how to contain themselves.

“Just don’t open that thing unannounced and you’ll be fine.” Stella told him with a smirk

She wasn’t sure what Tanya had planned for the night but since her girlfriend’s trip to London had been cut short, Stella had been left ridiculously horny and craving Tanya’s touch. She had hoped that all the talk of Jim and Spector, and generally just being back in Belfast would kill the feeling, but on the contrary it seemed to only have intensified.

A knock at the door interrupted them and they knew it was Tanya. She was the only person granted access to Stella’s room. Even Eastwood was to wait for her outside the hotel should he need anything from her.

“That’s my cue to leave.” Chris joked before he disappeared into his own room, shutting the connecting door and locking it for good measure.

~X~

Stella was seeing stars as she lay on her back, her head pressed into her pillow with Tanya between her thighs. Her eyes were clenched shut, her breathing high pitched and rapid as her Tanya brought her close to the edge. She gripped the sheets with one hand, the other entangled in the long dark hair as her back arched off of the bed.

Tanya let out a low chuckle as Stella’s thighs began to tremble, falling further open as her nails scraped Tanya’s scalp. The vibrations of the laugh and a gentle scrape of her teeth against Stella’s skin was all it took to push the blonde over the edge entirely.

Tanya crawled up over Stella’s body until they were face to face, Stella still biting down on one hand in an effort to keep quiet. She cupped Stella’s jaw with one hand and replaced the blonde’s hand with her mouth, pulling her in for a searing kiss as she came down from her high.

It was barely dinner time and they were both already exhausted. Tanya had read Stella’s mood as soon as she set foot in the hotel room and made no complaints when Stella pulled her down onto the couch and began to strip her of her clothing.

Now, just a few hours later, Stella seemed satisfied for the time being, still lying flat out in the middle of the large comfy bed. She had tucked Tanya into her side and stroked her hair as they both fell into a light sleep.

When Tanya woke up, Stella was dressed only in her slinky pink robe, browsing the room service menu. She pulled the sheet up against the slight chill in the room and rolled over, propping herself up on an elbow.

“Are you hungry?” Stella asked, finally tearing her eyes from the menu.

“After that?” Tanya laughed. “I’m starving.”

Stella was quick to order for them both before she moved back to the bed and situated herself by Tanya’s side. “How are you really doing? This week has been a lot.”

Tanya took a deep breath. Stella was right. Between the incident with Hunt, deciding to move in with Stella, accepting a new job, losing her old one and the tension and chaos surrounding their relationship and Burns’ attack on Stella, it had been a lot to process. Truthfully, Tanya wasn’t sure she had processed it. She moved closer to Stella and rested a hand on her abdomen and her head on her shoulder.

“I’m okay. Processing, I think. But okay. I’ve only had one nightmare about Daniel, so that’s good. The girls are delighted that we’re moving in with you. Everyone I’ve spoken to on the phone or over emails at my new job has been lovely and they’ve all reassured me that no matter what has happened or is yet to happen here, it will have no bearing on my job with them. I’m relieved about that. And I can’t wait to leave Belfast and never come back.”

Stella nodded in agreement and brought her hand to rest on top of Tanya’s. “If we never have to come back here it will still be too soon.”


	5. Chapter 5

Stella stared at herself in the large bathroom mirror in an attempt to steel herself for the day ahead. She wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or concerned that it had only taken five days for the case surrounding her assault to be closed. Realistically she knew that Burns would get off lightly and she would be the one to come away with even more bruises, even if these ones weren’t visible to the eyes. 

She’d been called to testify first and had sat beside Chris in the gallery, listening as Tanya, Dr O’Donnell and various members of the task force testified to her injuries, her character, her working relationship with Burns, Burns’ attitude and behaviour regarding Stella. Now she was exhausted. Physically and mentally. She felt sick and put a hand to her stomach in a futile attempt to stop the churning. With a sigh she adjusted her loose silk blouse and headed back out to find Chris and Tanya. 

When she found them, she saw the concern in their eyes for barely a moment before both of them masked it with an uneasy smile, following her back towards the courtroom where Eastwood was waiting on them.

Barely an hour later, Stella rushed out of the courtroom and down the hall to the bathroom to empty her stomach. She was vaguely aware of Tanya trailing after her but she didn’t have time to stop.

By the time Tanya caught up with her, Stella was no longer hovering over the toilet bowl, instead she had managed to turn and lean her back against the partition of the stall. Tanya knelt next to her and took one of the blonde’s clammy hands in her own. 

“I’m fine.” Stella said before Tanya could get a word out. Her voice betrayed her, the words coming out hoarse and quiet. “I am now, anyway.”

Tanya stood and flushed the toilet before she moved to the sinks and found a large paper towel to soak. She squeezed the excess water from it before she returned to Stella and handed it to her.

Stella took it gratefully and tore it in half, pressing half to her forehead and the other half to the spot on the back of her neck burning beneath her hair. She vaguely heard Tanya saying something about a bottle of water and some gum but paid it no mind as she let her head fall back against the partition and closed her eyes. It wasn’t like her to have such an extreme reaction. To anything, never mind that the outcome of the case had been exactly what she expected. 

The door to the bathroom creaked open again and Stella opened her eyes to see Tanya crouching next to her with a chilled bottle of water. She accepted it and took a few small sips, rinsing her mouth out before spitting it into the toilet and taking another small drink from the bottle, relishing the cold.

She said nothing when Tanya produced a packet of makeup wipes and got to work in tidying up her smudged eye makeup. Once she was done, Tanya threw away the used wipe and moved back, taking in Stella’s appearance with the critical eye of a doctor. 

“You look a little better. Think you can get up?”

Stella nodded and took the hand Tanya offered. The movement made her dizzy and she allowed Tanya to steady her before she made her way to the sinks to look in the mirror. She was a little paler than usual and had less mascara on than she had in the morning, but it wasn’t particularly obvious that she had just lost her breakfast to the toilet bowl. She adjusted her hair and washed her hands before she turned to Tanya with a smile.

“Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” Tanya said as she pulled Stella in for a quick but comforting hug. 

When they returned to the small group outside, there was concern written on everyone’s faces despite their poor attempts to mask it. It was Chris who was brave enough to ask if she was okay.

“I’m fine. Let’s get this shit show over with.”

Exiting the building, Stella fell in step with Chris as they were pounced on by a huddle of shouting journalists. Stella looked over the sea of cameras and felt sick to her stomach again as she spoke up.

“While it’s obvious that we all would have preferred a different outcome, it’s of no surprise to us that Jim Burns has been found innocent and has even been rewarded for his violence. A promotion is not an attempt to keep him out of investigations, it is an award, a prize that shows that a man can inflict violence upon a woman and suffer no punishment.”

Chris stepped forward before Stella could say anything else. “Detective Superintendent Gibson is an exemplary officer and on behalf of the Metropolitan Police, I wish to state in no uncertain terms that she will face no consequence. DSI Gibson was the victim of a violent attack, launched on her by an intoxicated and belligerent colleague, there is nothing she did or could have done to invite his attack. We stand by her actions and are appalled at the numerous ways in which the PSNI have failed to protect a visiting officer. Not only was Detective Superintendent Gibson attacked by a colleague, but a serial killer was able to access her hotel room, was able to gain access to her personal belongings and on top of that, she was subjected to a second brutal attack at the hands of Paul Spector, despite being within arms’ reach of another officer. The PSNI have done nothing but highlight how far they have to come in the matter of equality and their treatment of women in the workplace. All of these incidents were avoidable, all are punishable offences and yet the only person with their head on the chopping block is an officer who was invited to this city because their own officers were unable to see the glaring pattern emerging between cases. Thank you.”

Stella shot a panicked glance at Tanya as they moved away from the crowd of reporters. Once out of sight, Stella ran to the nearest bin and braced herself against it as she vomited again. 

Chris frowned in concern when Stella straightened up, accepting the water Tanya held out to her. “You’re never sick. What’s wrong?”

Stella cast a glance over her shoulder to the throng of reporters who were starting to disband. “Not here.”

The car ride back to the hotel was tense. Stella kept her eyes closed and her head back against the headrest, her hand on her stomach. Tanya sat beside her, mentally listing the items available that Stella could throw up in if needs be. Chris’ head was spinning with the events of the day, he couldn’t help but notice the two DCs in the front seats seemed unusually tense as well.

When they arrived at the hotel, Stella immediately excused herself to the bathroom. Chris used the connecting door to move into his own room to remove his jacket and tie. When he returned, Stella had lost her heels and was sitting on the couch with Tanya nowhere to be seen.

“Stella…”

She took a deep breath and at Chris and sighed. “I haven’t been completely honest with you recently.”

Chris’ face dropped as his mind raced, thinking through everything Stella had told him recently. 

“It’s nothing to do with Burns or Spector.” Stella assured him. “But Tanya wasn’t in London for a job interview. Not originally at least. She came over because I’m pregnant.”

Chris had to stop his jaw from hitting the ground as he searched for something to say. Seeing the shock on his face, Stella saved him.

“I had eggs frozen a decade ago. The fertility clinic called and asked whether I wanted to use them or donate them for research as it was coming up on ten years. I talked to Tanya about it and even though we hadn’t been together that long, we ultimately decided then that it was as good a time as any to use them.” Stella explained. 

“So how pregnant are you, exactly?” Chris asked, his eyes raking over Stella’s figure in an attempt to note any changes.

“Five months.”

Chris started pacing as he took in the information, it was only moments before a list of questions spilled from him. “But you had a drink that night in the pub, with me and Kat. And when Tanya said she was applying for a job to move to London you were genuinely surprised. How long have you known? That’s over half way, isn’t it? How have you managed to keep it quiet? Have you been sick the whole time?”

Stella chuckled at the barrage. “I had one drink. The only drink I’ve had in roughly five or six months. I was genuinely surprised when Tanya said she was moving to London. We agreed that the best timing would be if she saw her job through until just before I have the baby. But I had a bit of a breakdown a while ago when I felt really ill. She admitted when we got home after the pub that it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. She wanted to be here for me and knowing that I wasn’t doing very well on my own she decided to book a trip to visit. Then on the flight she applied for a few jobs. She got the first one she interviewed for. I’ve known since two weeks after the embryo transfer. So almost five months. And yes, I’ve been sick most of that time.”

As if on cue, Tanya returned to the room carrying a plate loaded with the blandest foods she could find. From what Chris could tell there was a plain baked potato, a bowl of dry Special K cereal, a plain bagel, and a bowl of plain penne pasta. Stella thanked her and started picking at the bagel.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” There was no accusation in Chris’ voice which Stella was grateful for.

“Because I’m terrified that something will go wrong. If nobody knows, there’s no pitying looks at work, none of the forced sympathy, none of the intrusive questions.”

The room was quiet after Stella’s admission but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was Chris who broke the silence again. “Hold on, you’re tiny, there’s nothing of you. How the fuck are you not showing yet?”

Stella laughed and stood up, removing her jacket as she did. She let one hand come to rest on the small swell of her stomach, pulling her silk blouse tight against her skin. “It’s amazing what a loose top and a large jacket can hide.”

Chris shook his head at her response and moved to her, he wrapped a hand around her wrist and pulled her to her feet, wrapping her in a hug. “Congratulations, Stella.”

Tanya was surprised when the man hugged her when he had released Stella but she said nothing and hugged him back, shooting a surprised glance over his shoulder at her girlfriend.

Stella simply smiled and sat back down as Chris released Tanya. “We’ve talked about it and we’d much rather that the press doesn’t find out about this. Tanya’s girls know but they’ve been sworn to secrecy with threats of Santa not coming if they let slip to anyone.”

“Does anyone else know?” Chris asked, looking between the women in front of him. 

Tanya shook her head. “My family aren’t the most supportive so I’ve decided to leave them out of the loop for as long as possible. My ex-husband’s parents, I wouldn’t be surprised if the girls have slipped up and told them.”

“My lips are sealed.” Chris assured them.


	6. Chapter 6

Stella fidgeted nervously in her seat as she sat alone at the table. Tanya was waiting for their order, both of them were waiting for Rose to arrive. 

Stella’s anxiety over coming face to face with the woman again was through the roof. She wasn’t sure whether it was the nerves or the pregnancy making her feel like she could pass out at any moment.

She knew Rose held nothing against her. Tanya had been there to support her throughout her recovery and had fed bits and pieces of information back to Stella as she felt was appropriate. But it was different hearing about someone’s recovery and seeing it for yourself. Especially, Stella though, when you had played a part in getting her kidnapped in the first place. It had been close to a year since Stella had last seen Rose in person, just before Spector’s death had been made public. 

The small café was busy, a quiet hum as the patrons talked amongst their tables. Quiet enough that there was no need for voices to be raised, but loud enough that the conversation stayed private. 

Stella jumped when Tanya appeared across from her and placed the tray on the table a coffee and a salad for her and a cup of tea and a plain bagel for Stella. Before she could sit down, the bell above the door rang, directing their attention to the entrance. Stella’s stomach twisted when she saw Rose making her way towards them, her daughter clutching her hand and her son on her hip.

“It’s so good to see you!” Tanya said as she hugged Rose tightly.

“I was so glad you called.” Rose smiled back. “I can’t believe everything that’s happened but still. I’m glad you’re here.”

Stella stood to greet Rose but hung back as she encouraged the kids to say hello to Tanya. When Rose straightened she turned to Stella with a warm smile. “It’s good to see you, too.”

“You look fantastic.” Stella returned the smile, hiding her surprise when Rose pulled her in for a hug. 

As Rose made to pull back, her son launched himself into Stella’s arms. Stella caught him easily and managed to hide her flinch of surprise when Rose was thrown off balance by the sudden movement and her hand landed on Stella’s waist to steady herself. 

“Sorry, he’s obsessed with blondes recently. Tom’s sister dyed her hair and now he loves it.” Rose offered by way of explanation. As she straightened and made to move away, her hand grazed the distinct curve of Stella’s stomach and her eyebrows shot up in excitement.

Both Stella put a finger to her lips in a hushing gesture while Tanya shook her head subtly, a small amount of panic in her eyes. Rose looked between them both, desperate for confirmation of her thoughts. She let out a small, excited giggle when Stella nodded.

Tanya smiled as she promised to fill Rose in on some of the details in a less public environment and Rose finally disappeared to place an order, leaving Stella and Tanya with Cody and Nancy.

When Rose returned five minutes later, she took a long sip of her coffee and looked at Stella. “I’m sorry that you’re not here for pleasure, but it’s nice to meet you in an environment that isn’t a police station or a hospital.”

Stella nodded her agreement. “It certainly is.”

“I’m so angry about all of it. I can’t believe that it’s 2017 and we’re still not in a position where a woman isn’t vilified for something that was done to her. I’m appalled that Tanya has lost her job just because you guys are a couple. It’s like we’re stuck in the middle ages when a woman is a man’s property.”

Stella sighed. “You’re right. I’m furious that Tanya was forced out of her position. The excuses given were absolute crap and it’s ridiculous to me that it’s been around a year since she took those pictures and yet they’re only bringing it up now. It’s a smokescreen they’ve put up in an attempt to disguise their blatant homophobia.”

The table fell into a comfortable silence as Tanya and Rose ate, Stella picking at her food while the kids scribbled on the colouring books they’d brought with them. Slowly, Tanya and Rose picked up a conversation about a mutual friend and Stella was grateful to have a moment without being expected to contribute.

It was mere moments later that Tanya stopped dead in the middle of her sentence, her eyes on Stella. Rose turned to look at the blonde too and saw her leaning back in her chair her eyes closed and her forehead leaning heavily on a hand propped on the back of the chair. 

“Stella?” Tanya prompted, pushing her seat back to move to the blonde’s side about to move Nancy to the empty chair to her left.

Rose was one step ahead of her and lifted Cody from Stella’s lap, handing him off to Tanya over the table. She put a gentle hand on Stella’s arm, bringing the blonde’s eyes to meet hers. “Can you stand?”

Stella nodded and allowed Rose to help her to her feet. “I think I just need some fresh air. There’s too many smells in here.”

Rose took her by the hand and shot Tanya a reassuring look before she led Stella out into the chilly Belfast air. Once outside, Stella took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm her overwhelmed senses.

“You okay?” Rose asked carefully as they began to walk.

Stella nodded. “Fine.”

“Has it always been this bad?”

“No.” Stella shook her head. “I think it’s the stress. I’m not sure if Tanya told you, but a DS at the Met is facing disciplinary action for his conduct towards women. One of them being Tanya. The day she arrived in London he cornered her against a wall. He was already in trouble. But it reminded her of Daniel so I’ve been worrying about her. She doesn’t want me to worry because of the baby but by not talking to me, I’m worrying about her more. Then there’s this situation. I hate that I’m the reason that Tanya has lost her job.”

Rose allowed Stella to finish speaking and took note of the blonde’s paler than usual complexion. “I’ll talk to Tanya about the PTSD-”

Before Rose could finish talking Stella was making a beeline for the nearest bin. As she moved she whipped off her scarf and shrugged her jacket off, unwilling to risk throwing up on them as she leaned over the black metal. Rose tucked the garments under her left arm, her right hand holding the long blonde curls out of the way.

“I have got to stop doing that in public.” Stella grimaced as she stood up, one hand rubbing her churning stomach. She thanked Rose and took her jacket and scarf back as Rose led her to a bench nearby. “Don’t tell Tanya I threw up again.”

“Stella…”

Stella shook her head. “She has enough to deal with. It was easier to keep it from her when I wasn’t with her every day. She doesn’t need to be worrying about me. The doctor says it’s just an unfortunate side effect.”

Rose sighed and picked up where she left off. “I’ll talk to Tanya about the PTSD. But you know she doesn’t blame you for the loss of her job. And I know you know that she has a new job in London, anyway, was already planning on leaving Belfast before this kicked off. She’d do anything for you.”

Stella said nothing so Rose continued. “Tanya was lucky. She had two very easy pregnancies, felt even better than usual, apparently. So while she knows that not everyone has it that easy, it’s hard for her to relate to feeling shit all the time and barely managing to drag yourself out of bed for fear of puking at the first waft of a food smell. I know what it’s like so if you ever need anyone to moan to, or need suggestions about what might help, I’m here.”

The blonde nodded her thanks and allowed Rose to help her to her feet once again to go back to find Tanya and the kids.

“I have one question.” Rose told her, though her tone was light. When Stella’s eyes fell on her, she continued. “How do you still manage to look so fucking put together? I’ve just watched you puke your guts into a bin on the side of the road and maybe you’re a bit pale, but you look amazing. “

It was true, Rose reasoned. Stella still looked immaculate. Dressed in a pair of high waisted black trousers, a loose light grey cashmere jumper with a long black coat and a long fluffy scarf wrapped around her neck to match her jumper, not to mention the heeled boots on her feet and her perfectly styled hair. 

Stella shrugged. She’d always been conscious of her appearance. Likely one of the few lessons her mother had successfully drilled into her from a young age. She felt obliged to tell Rose that on days she knew she didn’t have to leave the house, it was a very different story. She would throw on her comfiest old t-shirt, pyjama trousers and maybe one of Tanya’s hoodies if she was cold, her hair scraped back into a careless bun. “It won’t last.”

They walked slowly in silence for a few moments before Stella turned to the brunette. “You don’t have to answer. But how are you doing? Truthfully.”

Rose took a deep breath and kept her eyes forward. “There are good days and bad days. But it’s finally getting easier. My therapist is a good help. It hurts that Tom couldn’t take it but I’m not entirely sure he would have stayed even if nothing had happened. He tries to be supportive but I think deep down somewhere he’s still struggling with the fact that I didn’t fight back when Spector was in the house.”

Stella wasn’t surprised to hear that Tom hadn’t stuck around. Their conversation at the hospital seemed to have gone in one ear and straight out of the other. She wasn’t sure what it was about men – other than their fucking fragile egos – that made them so entirely obtuse when it came to the trauma women faced. She was thrown back to the aftermath of the shooting, when Tom Anderson had seemingly decided that she was infatuated with Spector.

“Fucking Tom.” Stella hadn’t even realised she had said it out loud until she met Rose’s confused eyes and rushed to explain herself. “I wasn’t talking about your Tom. One of the detectives on the case, Tom Anderson. I made the mistake of sleeping with him the night before we found you. When Spector and Anderson were shot, I could see that Anderson’s injuries were less severe and Dani was already seeing to him. However he took that to mean that I was infatuated with Spector. Acted like a petulant child from then on. Men view things like this differently from women. We’re more logical, we react based on facts. Men react based on the first feeling that comes to mind. Usually jealousy or anger.”

Before Rose could say much more they were greeted by the sight of Tanya approaching. Nancy skipped alongside her while Cody rested on her hip, Stella and Rose’s bags slung over one arm.

Rose rushed to take Cody from her and thanked her for the bag. She turned to look at the couple in front of her and smiled brightly. “It really was good to see you both. Good luck with the move and … everything. Please keep in touch.”

Tanya smiled and pulled her in for a hug. “Of course. You’ll have to come to London sometime once everything has settled.”

“I wouldn’t want to impose.” Rose protested as Stella moved to hug her.

“You’re welcome any time.” Stella assured her. “I mean it.”

“Take care of yourselves.” Rose told them both pointedly before she took Nancy’s hand and continued on her way down the pavement.

Once Rose was out of sight, Tanya took Stella’s hand in her own and they started slowly back towards the hotel. They walked in silence until they passed the bin Stella had thrown up in only ten minutes earlier. Tanya saw the way the blonde’s face screwed up as they passed and frowned in confusion.

“I just threw up in there.”

Tanya’s eyes filled with worry but Stella gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. “I’m okay. I promise. But I was thinking, when we get home tomorrow, why don’t we tell Colin and Eileen about the baby when we pick the girls up?”

Tanya’s eyebrows raised. She knew Stella was keen to keep it to themselves for as long as possible. But she realised that was likely out of the window now that Chris and Rose knew, and she’d vomited in public thrice in the space of less than twenty-four hours. “Only if you’re sure.”

Stella nodded and gave her a genuine smile.

~X~

Tanya found Stella in the living room, curled up on the couch with a blanket over her legs while she read. Despite having seen her friend less than twenty-four hours ago, she had just gotten off the phone to Rose and figured that now was as good a time as any to talk to Stella. The girls were in bed exhausted after a busy day with their grandparents followed by an impromptu dinner party to celebrate the baby. 

“Stell?”

Stella looked up and put the book down when she saw the nervous expression on Tanya’s face. She held the blanket open for her girlfriend to join her, but instead Tanya climbed awkwardly between Stella and the couch until the blonde was sitting between her thighs, leaning back with her head against Tanya’s chest.

“Is everything okay?” Stella asked as Tanya’s fingers found their way to the blonde locks. 

“That was Rose on the phone…” Stella knew that. Tanya had told her when she’d noticed Rose’s caller ID. “She told me that I have to start being honest with you about how the incident at your office has affected me. But I don’t want to worry you.”

Stella leaned her head back as far as she could in an attempt to look into Tanya’s eyes. She reached up and cupped her girlfriend’s cheek briefly. “I worry about you more when you pretend you’re fine, love.”

Tanya sighed. She didn’t like talking about it. “I’ve been having nightmares. Always the same one. It never changes, even slightly. It starts off in the hallway outside your office, with that officer hanging over me like he did. Except it changes, and instead of Leila behind me, it’s you and the baby. And then when I look back up it’s Daniel and I can’t protect you from him. That’s when I wake up. In the hallway, before you arrived I was starting to panic about if I’d be able to protect Leila or not.”

“Thank you for telling me.” Stella told her sincerely. “Is there anything I can do to help you?”

Tanya shook her head. “It doesn’t always happen. But when it does I usually have to have a glass of water and check on you and the girls before I can sleep again.”

“Wake me next time.” Stella told her; her voice gentle but firm. “You don’t have to deal with this on your own anymore. I’m here and I want to help you, even if all I can do is hold you.”

“Thank you.”

“You never have to thank me.” Stella told her as she reached one hand up around the back of Tanya’s neck and guided her down for a soft kiss. “I love you, remember?”

“I love you, too.” Tanya breathed as Stella linked their hands and brought them to her chest. “Stella, the girls.”

Stella pouted but let Tanya remove her hands. Tanya raised an eyebrow in response as she climbed out from behind the blonde. “Don’t look at me like that. I didn’t say we had to stop. I just said not here.”

Tanya offered a hand and Stella took it, allowing herself to be pulled to her feet and upstairs to the bedroom.

Once behind their locked bedroom door, Tanya grasped Stella’s hips and pulled her in close, relishing the soft moan that came when her lips met Stella’s neck. The blonde’s hands found the hem of her girlfriend’s t-shirt and she whipped it off, discarding it somewhere across the room.

Tanya mirrored the action and dropped the top on the floor before her hands came up to cup Stella’s full breasts, eliciting a gasp from the blonde.

Tanya lifted her head and brought her eyes to meet Stella’s. “Okay?”

Stella nodded. “Sensitive but okay.”

Tanya responded with a tentative squeeze and Stella was putty in her hands, dragging her back towards the bed.


	7. Chapter 7

Chris’ eyebrows raised in surprised when reached the entrance to Scotland Yard and saw Stella approaching from the opposite direction. She was wearing her usual long coat but beneath it she made no effort to hide her rounded stomach, instead choosing a pair of tailored black trousers and a thin woollen jumped that clung tightly to her stomach.

Stella smirked and lowered her eyes to the stairs in front of them as she reached him. He said nothing but she could read the question in his eyes a mile away. As they moved towards the door she faltered for a moment, suddenly extremely self-conscious.

Chris picked up on the shift in her demeanour immediately and spoke up as he held the door for her. “What changed?”

Stella shrugged as they both swiped their ID cards. “Everyone we were waiting to tell knows now. Tanya’s in-laws know now, the girls have known for months, Rose found out in Belfast. There’s no longer a good reason to hide it anymore, not that I could if I wanted to.”

Chris looked down to where the sides of Stella’s jacket fell just short of covering her stomach. With a thick scarf, it may have been hidden, but there was no mistaking that Stella Gibson was pregnant now. “You told your mother yet?”

“No. And I don’t intend to.” Stella answered shortly. “Tanya’s family didn’t react well and it’s upset her enough. The last thing we need is Medusa throwing her opinion into the mix.”

Chris couldn’t help but chuckle. He’s met Stella’s mother on a number of occasions and on each one he’d left with another reason to dislike the woman. He was aware that Stella could feel their colleagues’ eyes on her as they moved through the building towards their offices.

“How’s the Stanley case coming?”

Stella sighed. “It’s not really, to be horribly honest. We’ve hit a brick wall. Nobody we’ve spoken to seems to know anything. I’m well aware that at least half of them are lying through their teeth but until I work out how to twist their arm in a way that’s legal- motherfucker.”

Chris would have snorted at the way both Stella’s words and her movements stopped dead if not for the woman hovering outside Stella’s office.

“Stella, darling.”

“Mother.” Stella almost hissed as she and Chris started moving again.

Chris made to excuse himself as Stella unlocked her office and flicked the lights on, leaving them both to follow her.

“What can we do for you?” Stella asked, leaning against her desk as her mother looked warily at Chris.

“May we have some privacy?”

Stella sighed. “He’s staying. I have a lot of work to do and not a lot of time to do it in. If you really need help, we’ll find someone who can help you. You know it can’t be me. If this is a social visit then it begs the question, why?”

“I heard some rumours. I wanted to see if they were true.” The older woman shrugged. “I knew you wouldn’t respond if I contacted you.”

“For good reason.” Stella grumbled before she straightened and the even, unaffected tone returned to her voice. “Yes, I’m pregnant. Yes, my girlfriend is moving to London. Yes, she and my stepdaughters are moving in with me. Yes I was assaulted in Belfast. No, he wasn’t charged. That about covers it, don’t you think?”

“I find it hard to believe that they wouldn’t charge him if he had actually hurt you. You’re known for being quite the siren, Stella. This woman won’t last. You’ll either drive her away or you’ll get bored and realise you never wanted her anyway.”

“Ms Abbott, I think it’s time you were leaving. Detective Superintendent Gibson has a heavy workload which needs her attention. If you’re in need of assistance, I can find an officer to help you.”

Stella watched Chris escort her mother out and moved to sit behind her desk, one hand coming to rest on her swollen stomach in an attempt to soothe herself. By the time Chris returned she was buried in the files of her latest case. She glanced up when he shut the door and let her hand fall from her laptop when he approached.

“She’s right.” Stella leaned back in her chair. “Maybe not about Burns, but the rest of it. Until I met Tanya she hit the nail on the head. And I’m terrified that one day I’m going to do something that’ll push her over the edge and drive her back to Belfast.”

“You won’t.” Chris assured her. “I’ve known you for decades and I’ve never seen you this settled. Actually, I have, but you were miserable the entire time. I’ve never seen you this content in your life. There may be a lot of changes for you right now, but the fact that you’re not running from them shows that you’re happy. The Stella of old would have run a mile the minute Tanya asked for a second date, that in itself shows that she’s different.”

Stella shot him a small but grateful smile. “Where is she?”

“Somewhere outside. She didn’t need out help she just wanted to get to you.”

“It worked.”

~X~

Stella was exhausted when she dragged herself through the front door, desperate to collapse in a heap somewhere and not move for a very long time. The sight that greeted her when she entered the living room made her heart swell.

Leila and Emma were on the floor with their favourite blankets, a small selection of snacks between them, both girls glued to the movie on TV. Tanya was stretched out along the sofa with Stella’s favourite throw draped over her legs. She looked up when she saw Stella leaning in the doorway, observing the room. One look at Stella told Tanya how exhausted she was and she held the throw open with one arm, silently inviting Stella into the warmth of the living room.

Without a word, Stella nodded towards the stairs, telling Tanya she would get changed first. Tanya nodded and watched her go, hoping Stella wouldn’t fall asleep the second she took her work clothes off.

It was a few minutes later when Stella returned to the living room, finding everyone exactly as she had left them. Now dressed in a comfy long-sleeved top and leggings, she moved to the couch and crawled onto the soft surface. Settling against Tanya’s side, she sighed in contentment, enjoying the feeling of Tanya’s hand on her bump and the soft blankets encasing them. It was mere moments later when Tanya looked down to Stella’s head on her chest to see the blonde was fast asleep.

When Stella finally woke, the end credits of the movie were rolling and the girls were both sitting on the floor sleepy but awake. She blinked a few times as she took in her surroundings, Tanya hadn’t moved since she’d fallen asleep, her hand still planted lovingly on Stella’s stomach.

Stella looked up at her girlfriend and pushed herself into a sitting position. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologise. You’re growing a human while working an insane workload. You’re allowed to be tired.”

Stella sighed. “I know, but I promised we’d have a movie night. I didn’t mean to sleep through all of it.” She winced as she straightened her back and it didn’t escape Tanya’s notice. “I’m fine, just tired and sore all over. I barely had a chance to sit down all day.”

At the sound of Stella’s voice, both girls turned to look at her with bright smiles. As Tanya stood to retrieve the dinner she had saved for her, Stella adjusted her position on the couch, allowing Emma to climb up next to her. Ever since the girls had arrived in London, Emma had been fascinated with Stella’s growing belly, amazed that there was a whole person in there. Stella indulged the girl’s curiosity, secretly she loved the feeling of small hands drawing patterns over her tight skin.

“Stella?” It was Leila’s voice that broke the quiet. Stella hummed in response, turning her eyes to the girl. “How long until the baby is here?”

“Around three months, give or take a little.”

“Is it a boy or a girl?” Leila asked, coming to sit on the floor beside Stella, looking up at her with interested eyes.

“We don’t know yet.” Stella answered. It had been a serious debate about whether or not to find out the baby’s gender, both she and Tanya liked to be organised but after a lot of deliberation, they had decided that a surprise wasn’t such a terrible thing. “We won’t know until he or she is born.”

“What do you want it to be?” Emma asked. “I want it to be a boy because I already have a sister. But I want it to be a girl so I can teach her all about my dollies.”

Stella beamed at the youngster’s reasoning and looked to Leila. “What about you, darling?”

“I don’t mind.” Leila’s voice was quieter than usual and as she answered she looked away from Stella’s eyes. “I just want it to be okay.”

Stella frowned in concern and reached out to run a hand through Leila’s dark hair. “What’s wrong?”

“My friend’s mum had a baby last year, but it was really sick when it was born.” Leila answered as Tanya returned with a plate full of food for Stella.

“Mrs Thompson’s baby was sick because she was born really early.” Tanya told her daughter. “You remember how women have a uterus which is where the baby grows? Well Mrs Thompson has a condition that makes it hard for her to have babies. But the baby is okay now, and Stella doesn’t have that condition, or any condition that will make the baby come early like that, okay?”

Leila looked at Stella as if for confirmation. The blonde nodded in agreement, relief washing over her when she heard Emma excitedly asking Tanya what she thought the baby would be and what she wanted it to be.

Tanya thought for a moment, taking Stella’s slightly swollen feet into her lap. “I don’t mind what gender the baby is, I’m happy either way. What about you, Stell?”

Stella sighed at the way Tanya was soothing her aching feet and thought about the question. “I don’t care what it is, I’ll love them regardless.”

“But what do you think it is?” Leila asked, as Stella took a mouthful of food.

“I’m not sure. I thought it was going to be a girl for a while, because I can’t think of any boys’ names. And the ones I do think of I don’t like. But I have a very long list of girls names I like. But now I’m not certain.”

“I like the name Ettie for a girl.” Leila declared, as though that alone was enough to name their baby.

Tanya chuckled at her daughter’s enthusiasm. “We can talk about it later. For now, it’s nearly bedtime. Go put your pyjamas on and brush your teeth, then come and say goodnight to Stella.”

“Can Stella read me a story tonight?” Emma asked, her eyes large enough to make Stella’s heart melt.

Tanya looked to Stella who nodded with a smile. “Okay, but only if I get to listen, too.” She had heard and read Emma’s favourite book at least a million times, but she knew that in her current tired state, there was every chance that Stella would need help getting to her feet when the story was over.

Tanya was glad Leila had – likely temporarily – decided that she was too old to be put to bed, insisting that she take herself to bed after bidding goodnight to Tanya and Stella. It meant that there was less expectation on Stella before she could drop into their bed and get her well needed rest.

Twenty minutes later, Stella waddled over to their large bed. She felt ridiculous. She was nowhere near large enough, or pregnant enough, and the baby wasn’t low enough to have her waddling from place to place. But tonight her back was in agony and her legs and feet ached. She couldn’t wait to lie down next to Tanya and take the weight off for a while.

“Come here.” Tanya’s voice was barely a mumble as she encouraged Stella to scoot closer on the bed. When the blonde complied, she brought her hands to her tight back muscles, immediately finding the source of Stella’s pain. “Just tell me if it hurts too much.”

Stella’s voice caught in her throat and she tried not to flinch away from Tanya’s hands as she worked over a tight knot of muscle just above her pelvis. It was incredibly painful but it was gradually starting to feel better. When this was all over, she had to find a way to repay her girlfriend for the endless foot rubs, back massages, and dinners that she had provided in the past six months and the countless more she was sure were ahead of them as Stella got bigger and more uncomfortable. For now, she would settle for dozing off to the feeling of Tanya’s hands on her back.

It was barely five thirty AM when Tanya woke to the sound of Stella in the bathroom. As she swung her legs out of bed to go to her, Stella appeared in the doorway, making her way back to bed.

“I’m okay, go back to sleep.” Stella said softly, noting the concern in Tanya’s eyes. “I promise.”

Tanya sighed quietly and pulled Stella into her, her hands coming to rest on Stella’s stomach once again. “I wish I could feel it.”

Stella craned her neck to look at her girlfriend. “You will soon. He’s so active, it won’t be long.”

Tanya raised an eyebrow, aware that Stella likely couldn’t see it. “You think it’s a boy?”

“I don’t know, but I have a feeling it is.” Stella shrugged. “But I’m scared if it is he’ll be born and we won’t have a name for him.”

“We will.” Tanya told her assuredly. “Even if we don’t know until we meet him. We’ll figure it out.”

Stella sighed happily, her hands coming to rest on top of Tanya’s. She took a deep breath, snuggling further into Tanya before she spoke. “My mum knows.”

Tanya sat up a little to look down at Stella. “How? About what?”

“She was waiting for me when I got to work today.” Stella replied, rolling onto her back to look up into Tanya’s worried brown eyes. “She said she’d heard some rumours. So I confirmed them, she called me a siren, told me I’ll drive you away and then Chris escorted her out.”

“Don’t listen to her.” Tanya told her softly. “You know she likes to play on your fears and make you doubt yourself. I’m still here, and I’m not going anywhere.”


	8. Chapter 8

Stella felt tears stinging her eyes as she looked around the freshly decorated room. It was one thing to plan the redecoration of Leila and Emma’s rooms, but it was another thing entirely to see her childhood bedroom decorated in neutral colours, a large crib waiting for her own baby, tiny pieces of clothing starting to gather in the closet where her work coats used to hang.

“You okay?” Tanya’s soft voice broke into her thoughts as she wrapped her arms around Stella’s waist, resting her chin on the blonde’s shoulder.

Stella nodded. “It still feels surreal. For years I contemplated selling this place. It was far too big for me on my own, but I never wanted to lose the connection to my father. Part of me was convinced that selling it would have meant giving up on having a family, too. I’m glad I didn’t. Even with both of us in decent jobs, we’d never be able to afford a place this size now.”

“We’d make it work.” Tanya told her. “But I know how much this house means to you, and it’s the perfect place for us. The girls get their own bedrooms, our baby gets his own room, we have an en-suite and we’re not far from work. Your parents hit the jackpot.” 

Stella looked around again, imagining how her parents would have decorated this room before she was born. She didn’t have many pictures – her mother wasn’t the sentimental type – but she hoped that she could give the girls and the baby the same happy memories in the house as she had.

“My parents bought it just after they married.” Stella spoke. “My father wanted a house full of children. I’m not sure my mother ever wanted any. After my sister was born she said no more children and then a few years later, fell pregnant with me. So my father took it as a win and converted the last bedroom into an office space.”

When Tanya said nothing, Stella turned to face her. “I’m going to miss you.”

Tanya sighed and pulled Stella into a hug. The latest pregnancy development was that she could cry at the drop of a hat. She knew Stella didn’t want her to go back to Belfast, even if it was only for a few weeks to pack up the last of her and the girls’ things and tie up some loose ends. “I’ll be back before you know it. Are you sure you don’t mind keeping the girls? Colin and Eileen are more than happy to help.”

“I’m sure.” Stella nodded. “I’ll take them to school in the morning, they can pick the girls up from school and then I’ll pick them up from Colin and Eileen’s and bring them home and feed them. It’s all sorted. We’ll be fine, I promise.”

Tanya nodded. She trusted Stella completely, she just didn’t want to overload her when she knew that her workload still hadn’t lightened. With a sigh she pulled away from Stella and slid into her jacket. She had insisted that Stella didn’t drive her to the airport, knowing it would only lead to tears and there was almost nothing Stella hated more than crying in public. Instead, they had compromised and Stella had managed to take the morning off work, enough time to see her off and compose herself before she had to get back to her case reviews.

As expected, tears had streamed down Stella’s cheeks as she watched Tanya climb into the taxi and head for the airport. She had laughed at herself at the time, but now that she was alone in the house she let herself get it out of her system. She had lived alone for so long and for the most part, the quiet had never bothered her, but in the month since Tanya had arrived in London she had gotten used to the constant activity. Now, with the girls at school and Tanya gone for the best part of four weeks, the silence caused an uncomfortable ache in her chest.

After pulling herself together, she washed her face in cold water in an attempt to soothe her red eyes and nose. She pulled on a pair of trousers and a soft jumper Tanya had bought her a few days ago before she looked in the mirror to examine her appearance. Her face was puffy from the crying but all in all she didn’t look as exhausted as she seemed to always feel now.

~X~

Chris frowned in concern when he saw Stella walking down the hall towards her office, her eyes firmly planted on the floor. He waited until she was safely inside before he gave a soft knock on her door and entered, shutting the door behind him.

“Don’t ask.” Stella said immediately, her eyes on the ceiling as she ran a makeup wipe under her lashes.

“Okaaay…” Chris trailed off. “How did it go with this morning?”

Stella gave a self-depreciating chuckle as more tears flooded her eyes and she resorted to simply removing her makeup altogether. “Fine. The girls were the least of the problems. They didn’t really want to go to school but she promised to call them tonight and they were fine. It’s my complete inability to stop crying over the smallest non-issues that was the problem.”

“When Kat was pregnant she used to cry over ducks in the park because it made her think of the Ugly Duckling story which led onto ‘but what if they’re bullied in school?’ which led to more tears.”

Stella glared at him as she felt the familiar burn behind her eyes. “We build the cot last night. Well, Tanya did. The nursery is almost finished now. It’s early but we wanted to have it done as soon as possible for him.”

“It’s a boy?”

Stella shook her head. “We don’t know for certain.”

“You’ve got a good instinct, Stella. If something is telling you it’s a boy it’s probably a boy.” Chris told her.

“Speaking of instinct. I think DS Marshall may be stalling on the Stanley case on purpose. I’m not sure why yet, but either he’s rushed all of his previous cases to closure and has failed to investigate, or he’s taking his time on this one, overlooking obvious leads to drag it out longer.”

“But why would he do either of those?”

Stella pushed a file towards her boss. “The first one is easy. He wants a higher case closure rate. It makes him look more competent and efficient which in turn will make him more likely to get a promotion. We both know he’s better at politics than he is at policing. He hasn’t got the patience for in depth investigations or the minute details of a case, which is why I’m worried.”

“You’re worried his past cases have been rushed or you’re worried that he’s dragging his feet deliberately?”

“Both.” Stella answered simply. “I’ve read through the entire case file and the Stanley case isn’t all that complex. He’s investigated harder cases in the past and yet whether it’s incompetence or something more, he’s overlooking leads that are practically smacking you in the face as you read. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to take over as SIO, make Marshall my deputy if needs be, but then not only will I be able to get a better idea of what’s going on, but the case might finally be closed.”

Chris sighed. He was reluctant to give Stella any cases that may not be closed before she had to go on maternity leave, but she was right. “Fine. I’ll organise a meeting with Flemming and Marshall to make the changes, but I don’t want you sleeping here, or going off on your own to look at crime scenes.”

“You don’t have to worry about that, Sir.” Stella responded. “With Tanya back in Belfast, I’ve got the girls on my own. Their grandparents are helping out after school but I still need to be home before bedtime. As for the crime scenes, I promise nothing but I’ll try to make sure I’ve always got someone with me.”

“Don’t try. Do.” Chris told her firmly. “At this rate just count your blessings that you haven’t been chained to a desk yet.”

~X~

Stella sighed tiredly as she exited the conference room, case files cradled in one arm. The meeting with Chris, Flemming and Marshall hadn’t been a complete disaster but the man wasn’t happy at having his case handed off to her. She let out a surprised gasp when she felt someone thud into her shoulder on their way past, sending the case files tumbling to the floor.

She let out a pissed off groan as she lowered herself to the floor and started to gather the papers spread all over the hallway. She gave a tight but thankful smile to the PC who stopped what she was doing immediately to help her as she heard Chris storming down the hallway after Marshall

“Oi!” Chris shouted. “DS Marshall! What the fuck do you think you’re playing at?”

“Chris, it’s fine.” Stella muttered, continuing to reload the thick file.

Chris ignored her as Marshall turned on his heel and stormed back to them, anger written all over his face.

“What the fuck am I playing at? You’re the one handing off my cases to a fucking woman who can’t even stand up on her own anymore? You really think she’s going to be able to close this any better than I could?”

“I do. Because in the time you’ve been dragging your heels, DSU Gibson has already picked up on a number of leads that you overlooked. She is more than capable of running this investigation, pregnant or not. You’ve gotten nowhere in over a month and as your superior officers, it is our job to ensure that all investigations are carried out correctly and attentively. This is neither the time nor the place to talk about this. If you have something you wish to discuss, you know where my office is.” Chris ranted.

Stella looked up and met Marshall’s eyes as the PC helped her back into an upright position. Marshall scoffed. “You don’t think she’s too biased to investigate with an open mind? She hates men so much she’s fucking a woman for Christ sake! It’s not fucking normal!”

“DS Marshall, I appreciate that nobody likes to have their work given to another officer, however if you had been competent and thorough from the beginning instead of finding loopholes and excuses wherever possible, this wouldn’t be happening. You have your own sheer laziness and lack of work ethic to thank.” Stella told him, her voice cold but even as she moved to walk away. “Oh and one last thing. I’d much rather you didn’t bring my girlfriend into conversation, regardless of your homophobia. It wouldn’t be much fun for you if I went shouting about the time you went soft when you tried to sleep with a certain brunette friend of mine, would it?”

Marshall’s face turned scarlet as he looked around in a frantic attempt to ensure nobody had heard.

“I’m usually above blackmail, but I won’t have you talking about my family or my sexuality as though it’s something disgusting. Am I clear?”

Marshall nodded. “Yes. Sorry, Ma’am.”

With that Chris gave Marshall a small shove in order to get him moving down the hallway. He cast a look over his shoulder at Stella to make sure she was okay before following the disgruntled DS.

Stella turned to the PC who was still hovering nearby clutching the thick file and cast a quick glance at the young woman’s name badge. “Thank you for your help, PC Evans.”

“It’s nothing, Ma’am. I’m sorry the papers likely aren’t in order. If you wish I can rearrange it for you and bring it back when it’s done?”

“That won’t be necessary.” Stella smiled calmly. “I have to read through it again anyway.”

Stella turned to walk away when Evans spoke up again. “Ma’am, can I ask you a personal question? You don’t have to answer.”

Stella looked around the hallway, it wasn’t busy but there were a few officers lingering, hungry for gossip to feed the rumour mill. “Why don’t you come to my office? These hallways have ears in the walls.”

PC Evans nodded and followed Stella towards her office. Once safely behind the closed door Stella abandoned the file on her desk and dropped slowly into her chair, motioning for Evans to take a seat.

“What did you want to ask?”

“Like I said, it’s quite personal, so you really don’t need to answer.” Evans began. She took a steadying breath, meeting Stella’s eyes, a mixture of concern and apprehensiveness. “What’s your experience in being out while working for the Met?”

Stella leaned back in her chair and thought about her answer. “That’s a tough one. Times have changed a lot since I was a PC. People are more open minded now, but as I’m sure you know, there are still some who believe it’s unnatural or that it goes against god. Generally I’d say most are unbothered when they find out. I don’t make a habit of shouting about it but I’ve never deliberately hidden it. It’s a little more obvious now that I’m in a committed relationship with a woman than when I was single. But as I mentioned previously, most people nowadays don’t have much of a reaction when they find out. If they’re uncomfortable they don’t usually say anything, if they’re okay with it, they’ll usually nod and let you continue. It’s rare now to have an outburst like DS Marshall’s thrown at you. It’s not a rare line of thought unfortunately, but not many civilised or sensible people will have the balls to make such statements in such a public environment, especially when surrounded by and talking to their superior officers.”

Evans nodded. “Thank you.”

“I don’t want to assume anything, but if you’re struggling, there are a number of people I can put you in contact with. I’ll do what I can to help.”

“Thank you, Ma’am. And just to be clear, you’re not assuming anything, I’m gay.”

Stella was quiet for a moment. “You remind me of someone. A PC I worked with in Belfast. We had a vaguely similar conversation once or twice. Of course Belfast is a lot more close-minded than London.”

“I like to think I’m lucky, to be able to show my face at Pride and still have a job the next day.”

Stella nodded. “I’m not sure Dani would have the same security. In fact I’m not even sure how many other people she’s told.”

“She told you, so even if she hasn’t told the important people yet, she’s got someone she can talk to if she needs the support. That’s what matters sometimes.”

“And you know that should you need the support; you can talk to me too.”

“Thank you, Ma’am.” Evans smiled. “I’ll let you get on with your work, I’ve distracted you enough for one afternoon. If there’s anything I can do for you, let me know.”

Stella nodded appreciatively and watched the young woman leave. Her thoughts stayed on Dani for a while before she finally gave in and sent a message, putting her mind at ease before she sighed and reached for the file to begin the monumental task of putting it back in order. It was barely a minute before her phone chimed with an incoming message.

_Yes I’m single. Why are you asking? I know you’re not._

Stella laughed quietly at the way she heard Dani’s voice in the message, equal parts amused and confused _. She typed out a response quickly._

_I ran into someone at work today who reminded me of you. I think you’d get along well. Can I pass on your number?_

_Never would have pegged Stella Gibson as a match maker._

_It’s not match making. I just think you’d find you have similarities and could at very least benefit from some conversation._

_Fine. If you insist but I will hold you personally responsible if it all goes horribly wrong._

_That threat doesn’t work on me anymore. I’ve heard it too many times._

Stella put her phone down after sending the last message and quickly wrote Dani’s name and phone number on a piece of paper before she left the office to find PC Evans.

She found Evans in the break room, waiting on a coffee from the slow machine. Once she was sure they were alone she held the paper out to the brunette. “I think you two might get along well. Send her a message.”

With that, Stella disappeared, leaving Evans to stare at the piece of paper in her hand.


	9. Chapter 9

Stella laughed at the girls’ excited chattering as she listened to them talking on the phone to Tanya. It was just before bed and Tanya had told them an improvised bedtime story over FaceTime, now Stella was hovering by the door, waiting for them to finally bid her goodnight. They’d already managed to extend bedtime by at least thirty minutes.

When she finally had the phone in her possession, she promised Tanya she would call back once the girls were in bed and hung up, negotiating with them the entire time. Two glasses of water, a night light turned on, and a favourite teddy search later, Stella was finally able to drop onto the couch and call Tanya back.

“Hey, you.” Tanya smiled fondly when Stella’s face filled the screen. “They go down okay?”

“You’ve raised good negotiators.” Stella chuckled. “They’re in bed now, though.”

“How was your day?”

“Work was… work.” Stella settled, she wasn’t going to worry Tanya by telling her about Marshall’s outburst or the fact that she had taken over his case. “I picked the girls up just before seven, Eileen insisted on feeding me. Then we watched Moana. Apparently they watched it twice already at Colin and Eileen’s.”

Tanya laughed. “Enjoy the singing. They carry a tune worse than I do!”

Stella smiled in response. “I’ll find another movie to distract them with soon, one that doesn’t include songs hopefully… How’s Belfast?”

“Exactly as we left it.” Tanya sighed. “I can’t wait to leave.”

Stella sighed sympathetically. “I know love, but it won’t be long.”

“I saw Dani today.” Tanya said with a smirk. “Ran into her at the shops. She said you’re trying to set her up.”

Stella gave a loud laugh. “I’m not trying to set her up as such, I just think they’re a good match.”

“Who though?”

“A PC I met at work today. She’s around Dani’s age, quite similar. They’d look fantastic together. I just think their personalities would compliment one another, even if it’s just as friends.”

Tanya shook her head and laughed again. “How are you? You look tired?”

Stella nodded. Truthfully, despite the early hour, as soon as the call ended she was going to bed. “I am. But I’m okay. Your child is just taking up all of my energy. And my head has been a mess the last few days. If I’m not crying over something ridiculous, I’m forgetting everything or getting irrationally pissed off at every person I work with.”

“It’ll pass. Just remember it’s worth it.”

Stella nodded and ran a hand over her stomach. She bit her lip when she felt a kick against her hand, deciding against telling Tanya. She knew her girlfriend had been waiting for this moment and it seemed cruel that it finally happened when she was gone. “Are you going to see Rose while you’re there?”

“I might. If she has time. She’s working full time again now. But I want to get this all finished as soon as possible. I want to come home.”

Stella felt the familiar burn of tears in her eyes at Tanya’s statement. Did she really think of London as home already? Her house?

“Hey, what’s wrong? What did I say?”

“You want to come home?” Stella repeated. “You think of here as home?”

Tanya nodded. “Of course I do. Stella, wherever you and our kids are, that’s where home is. In the space of a month, I’ve felt more comfortable in your house than I ever did with Daniel. Even before we moved in, the first time I stepped inside, it felt like home to me. I can’t even put it into words how safe and how… at home… I feel when I’m there, in your arms with our kids just down the hall.”

Stella clasped a hand over her mouth in an attempt to muffle her sobs, not wanting the girls to hear. When the sobs subsided she blew out a long breath and wiped away her tears with her sleeve. “I love you so much. I can’t wait for you to come home.”

“I love you, too, Stell.” Tanya said softly. “You look exhausted so I’m going to let you go. Try to get a good sleep and I’ll call tomorrow.”

“Wait!” Stella exclaimed as she pushed herself off of the couch. “Can you wait until I fall asleep?”

She felt almost childish asking it but when Tanya agreed without hesitation she smiled and left her on the bedside table as she got ready and climbed into the cold bed, pulling the heavy duvet cover over her.

~X~

Chris looked up to see Stella standing in the doorway to his office, clutching a casefile to her front. She looked almost nervous and he knew that whatever she had to say, he wasn’t going to like. At his nod, she entered and closed the door, placing the folder in front of him as she sat down.

“I think the reason Marshall has been stalling is because he knows who’s responsible. He’s either trying to give them time to get out of the way or he’s trying to figure out what to do.” Stella began.

“Do you have a suspect?”

Stells took a deep breath. “I do. And once it gets out it’s going to be a shit show of media, press conferences and rightfully livid civilians.”

“Who is it?”

“Detective Sergeant Steven Hunt.” Stella looked up at her boss with a grave look on her face, seeing the same look falling into Chris’ eyes. “He and Marshall go almost as far back as you and I. Which is saying even more in their case since they’re younger than we are. They went to the same school from the age of six onwards. Lost contact briefly when they went to separate colleges, then reunited when they both applied to the police. They were always in and out of trouble at school, though nothing serious, never enough to get law enforcement involved. But it would explain why Marshall has been putting the brakes on the investigation. I think we were wrong. He hasn’t been oblivious to the leads, he’s seen them, taken note and then purposefully done nothing to follow them, whether to provide himself or Hunt with more time, I’m not sure.”

Chris let his head fall into his hands and took a moment to process the information. “We need to get anti-corruption involved. Immediately. We cannot look to be covering this up. You know as well as I do how quick the media are to twist a situation. Given that we know Hunt’s attitude towards women and that he’s been suspended from duty one and there’s an investigation ongoing into his conduct, we cannot look to be complicit in any stalling of the case.”

Stella nodded. “I called James Gardner of AC-9. He’s on his way here now.” She sighed and looked down at the unopened folder on the desk. “We have enough in there to question him. Anti-Corruption will want to take over the case I imagine, but right now this is still on us. I don’t want to bring him in prematurely, and technically if he is good for this, neither you nor I can be involved considering his actions towards Kat and Tanya. We’re too close, but we will still be expected to make a statement when Gardner decides how to go forward from here.”

There was a knock on the door and Stella stood as Chris called for their guest to enter. Stella was taken aback at first by how tall the man was as he entered the office.

“Detective Chief Superintendent James Gardner, pleased to meet you both.” Gardner extended his hand first towards Chris who had rounded his desk to stand by Stella.

“DCS Chris George.” Chris shook his hand and motioned to Stella. “Detective Superintendent Stella Gibson. I believe you two spoke on the phone. Thank you for coming.”

Gardner nodded and took the seat beside Stella in front of Chris’ desk. “Tell me about the case.”

Stella took a deep breath. “Leah Stanley was raped and left for dead by a man unknown to her almost two months ago. Detective Sergeant Thomas Marshall caught the case with his partner DC Jacqueline Miller. Miller unfortunately was injured in a car accident and has yet to return to work. Given Marshall’s case closure rate we felt he was able to handle it alone, ensuring that any interaction with Miss Stanley was with an appropriate female officer. Up until a month ago everything was going as expected. I performed a review of the case and noted that Marshall seemed to be missing obvious leads and dragging his feet when it came to the leads he did pick up. We now believe that may be because he is close with the suspect.”

“Who’s your suspect?”

“Detective Sergeant Steven Hunt.” Chris passed the file on his desk to Gardner.

“The rest of the case files are in my office.” Stella said, moving to push herself out of her chair.

“I’ll get them.” Chris said before she could move further. He held his hand out for her keys and disappeared.

“Why do I know the name Hunt?” Gardner asked, looking over at Stella.

“He was suspended approximately six weeks ago for inappropriate conduct. We had received a complaint or two about his handling of women, be it suspects, witnesses, whomever.” Stella explained. “He’s currently awaiting a disciplinary hearing for another related incident that happened when he returned from his suspension.”

Gardner nodded and closed the file as they waited for Chris. His eyes fell on Stella, taking in her large baby bump. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you, Sir.” Stella smiled tightly.

“How does your partner feel about you taking on such a case at this point? Surely he’d rather you weren’t taking on such a high-pressure workload?”

Stella bristled at the questions but kept her voice professional as she answered. “I haven’t told her yet. She’s currently in Belfast selling her old house. Truth be told I’d rather keep Hunt out of her head for as long as I can.”

Gardner frowned. “Why is that? Does she know him?”

“Not exactly. The reason Hunt was suspended was in part for his cornering of DCS George’s wife near the bathrooms. The week he returned from that suspension, he cornered by partner and our ten year old daughter outside my office while I was out. He backed her against the wall and was trying to coerce her into going for lunch with him when I caught him. She has an abusive ex who is currently serving time in prison for his treatment of her. It brought back some difficult memories.” Stella explained. “A factor in our bringing you in so early in the investigation is because both DCS George and I are too close to the investigation now that Hunt is my main suspect. I don’t want him to walk away from this with simply a slap on the wrist because he was able to convince a jury that DCS George and I are conspiring against him. We also don’t want it to look to the media like we’re doing anything to protect him.”

“Good call.” Gardner replied as Chris returned with the folder and dropped Stella’s keys back into her lap.

The office was quiet as Gardner skimmed through the folder, looking at crime scene pictures and other significant details. By the time he was finished, his mouth was set in a hard line. “I appreciate your willingness to cooperate and to bring Anti-Corruption in this early. It’s never a nice thing to do but it was the right thing in this case. I’ll have two of my officers bring him in for questioning. But in the meantime, I’d like to get ahead of this with a press conference. Tonight. Does that give you enough time to inform those who need to know?”

Stella nodded. “Yes, Sir. I’ll call Miss Stanley myself.”

Gardner nodded. “Okay. Gibson, you know the case best, I want you to take point on the conference. I’ll be there as will DCS George, however you’re the most knowledgeable. Hazel will be in touch to go through it all with you. If it comes to any questions not relevant to Miss Stanley, I’ll take over.”

Stella nodded and added Tanya to the list of people she had to phone.

~X~

The phone call with Tanya had gone as well as Stella expected. The other woman was nervous about Stella working on such a large case but offered any and all support. She was shocked to learn that the man who had accosted her outside Stella’s office was now the main suspect in a rape and attempted murder case. Stella couldn’t stop thinking about the slight waver in Tanya’s voice just before she hung up.

Stella took a deep breath as she followed Gardner to the small stage that was set up with a few free-standing microphones and groaned in annoyance when she realised that she’d be on her feet for the foreseeable future. She listened to Chris talking to the press gathered briefly before he introduced her.

“On behalf of the Metropolitan Police Service, I would like to announce that we have in custody, a lead suspect in the rape and attempted murder of Leah Stanley. It is with our deepest regret that we must inform you that the suspect in question is a former officer of the Metropolitan Police.” Stella took another breath and continued, looking out at the sea of cameras. “The officer in question has been relieved of his duties permanently and we wish to make it known that we do not stand behind his actions.”

“Detective Superintendent Gibson!” A brown-haired reporter near the front stuck his hand up, grabbing her attention. “Is it true that the officer in question was recently suspended for inappropriate conduct, specifically towards women?”

“It is.”

“And is it true that the officer in question accosted not only DCS George’s wife, but also your girlfriend and her daughter?”

“That is also true. And it is the reason that Detective Chief Superintendent Gardner of Anti-Corruption will be handling the case from this point forwards.


	10. Chapter 10

Tanya sighed as she stood in the middle of her mostly empty living room, watching on TV as Stella and Chris followed an officer she didn’t know onto a stage. She bit back annoyance when she realised that Stella was going to have to stand the whole time with no chairs in sight.

She listened as Stella spoke to the press and rolled her eyes at the reporter fishing for answers regarding her and Kat. She didn’t know how he had found out about that but she didn’t care so long as Stella didn’t end up in hot water.

She was glad when the other officer took over the questions. She was glad that stella was handing the case over in general. But after another half an hour, she was bristling with annoyance that despite Stella’s clearly pregnant and uncomfortable state, nobody had thought to get her a chair. She’d had enough of watching Stella shift her weight from one foot to the other in an attempt to alleviate the agonising pain in her lower back. When the conference was finally over she watched as Stella walked stiffly from the stage.

She was quick to find her phone, dialling Stella’s number and she was relieved when Stella answered on the first ring.

_“You watched the press conference, didn’t you?”_ Stella answered.

Tanya could hear the bustle in the background and knew that Stella was likely still walking with Chris, the other officer, and the press advisor, maybe a handful of others too.

“I did. They didn’t think to get you a chair? Or let you leave once you said your piece?” Tanya ranted.

_“It’s fine, love.”_ Stella said, her voice was calm but Tanya could hear the tension, the barely concealed discomfort. “ _I’m fine. Don’t worry.”_

“I do worry, though. Because I can hear in your voice that you’re in pain and I’m not there to look after you tonight. You have the girls, too. I’ll ask Colin and Eileen to keep them for the night so that you can get some rest. Is it your back again?”

Stella sighed and Tanya could almost see the nod in the reluctant tone in her voice. _“My back is killing me, yes. But I’ll take some painkillers or go for a shower or something when I get home. I’m fine. I promise.”_

Tanya opened her mouth to speak again but Stella read her mind and cut her off before she could say a word.

_“Don’t worry about the girls. I’ll pick them up on my way home and we can watch Moana for the millionth time. And don’t even think about coming home early. Just sell the house and we’ll see you when you get back. It’s only a week or so.”_

Tanya gave a resigned sigh but knew she had no choice but to trust Stella’s judgement. “I’ll call the girls later, and check on you, too. I love you.”

“ _Okay. I love you, too.”_

~X~

Stella sighed as she slid the phone into her pocket. Tanya wasn’t the only one bothered by the press conference’s lack of seating. Her feet were throbbing from being in her heels all day and now her back felt like it was breaking. A glance at Gardner told her he looked suitably guilty for his oversight and she knew he’d heard every word of her conversation.

Wordlessly, Chris steered them in the direction of Stella’s office. It was closer than his and it meant that Stella could sit and stay sat when they got there. She thought him a subtle look of thanks as she unlocked the door.

The two men watched as she carefully lowered herself into her seat and leaned back against it, letting it take her weight.

“Stella are you sure you’re okay?” Chris asked in concern.

Stella nodded. “I’m fine. I had a bad back before I got pregnant but now with over a stone of extra weight and a baby – which according to Tanya is the size of a large aubergine sitting on my pelvis... It doesn’t go well with standing still for the best part of an hour.”

Gardner averted his eyes for a moment. “I should have realised, I apologise. It won’t happen again.”

Stella only nodded in response, vaguely listening to Chris and Gardner talking amongst themselves, already thinking of the hot shower waiting for her at home.

~X~

It was like Deja vu Tanya thought as she moved down the long hallway of offices, keeping an eye out for Stella’s name on the door. She was hoping this time that there were no creepy DSs waiting to back her into a wall. She dook a deep breath and bit back a smile as she knocked on Stella’s door, motioning to the woman behind her to stay hidden.

Stella’s face lit up as she stood to greet her girlfriend. She beamed as she moved around her desk and pulled Tanya into a tight hug, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. “What are you doing here? I’m so glad you’re back.”

“It’s good to be back.” Tanya told her, but that’s not the only reason I’m here. Look who I found at the coffee shop.”

The woman waiting in the hallway took that as her cue and moved into the office, wearing a small smile.

Stella’s jaw dropped at the sight of Dani Ferrington standing in her office. “What are you doing here?”

Dani shrugged with a smirk. “I heard you might know someone whose personality would compliment mine?”

Stella raised an eyebrow. “She messaged you?”

Dani nodded. “She did. You were right, by the way.”

Stella smirked smugly. She thought they would be a good match. Her instincts were still on the ball. “So what are you doing in London?”

Dani smiled. “Here to visit her. I thought I should see you as well since I’m here, considering the last time we saw each other it wasn’t under the best of circumstances.”

Stella pulled Dani into a hug. “It’s good to see you again.”

“You too, Ma’am.”

Stella looked at her in amusement. “I’m not your boss anymore, Dani. Just a friend. You’re allowed to call me Stella.”

Before Dani could say anything Stella spoke again. “Evans is working today, isn’t she? What’s her partner’s name?”

“Kirk.”

Stella picked up the phone on her desk and quickly requested the location of Evans and her partner before she hung up with a smile. She looked at Tanya and then Dani. “You wait here, Dani, come with me.”

Dani wordlessly followed the blonde out of the room and towards the break room she assumed Evans would be in. She was right and she poked her head in the door to make sure the younger woman was alone before she knocked.

“Ma’am, what can I do for you?”

“Nothing, actually. But I have something for you.” Stella opened the door and let Dani in, watching the smile spread across Evans’ face.

She watched the pair hug each other tightly and got the distinct feeling that they had already met a number of times given how comfortable they were in each other’s presence. She slipped out of the room without another word and returned to her office to Tanya.

~X~

Stella sighed in relief as she found herself wrapped in Tanya’s arms in bed once again. The girls were finally asleep after an excitable reunion with their mother and now the two women were basking in the peace and quiet.

She felt the baby moving and took one of Tanya’s hands in her own, placing it over the movement and holding it there. Tanya’s eyes lit up at the feeling of the baby’s kicks meeting the palm of her hand.

“Do you still think it’s a boy?”

Stella nodded. “I still can’t think of any names for him, though. I can’t find any that I like and those I do don’t sound right with the girls’ names, and then I go off them because it doesn’t flow.”

“You know that siblings’ names don’t have to match.”

Stella nodded again. “I know but Leila and Emma flows. Leila, Emma and Max doesn’t and Max is a dog’s name anyway. It needs a name beginning with an A or something but I don’t like them.”

Tanya tried not to laugh at the grumble in Stella’s voice. “We’ll find a name for him, don’t worry. It won’t be a dog’s name or a name you don’t like. I promise. We can look together sometime if you want to.”

Stella nodded and reached up behind her with one arm to pull Tanya down for a soft kiss. When they parted she ran a thumb over her girlfriend’s plump lips. “I’m so turned on but I’m so tired.”

Tanya laughed openly this time. “Tomorrow. Just rest tonight.”

Stella didn’t need to be told twice and closed her eyes, succumbing to sleep almost instantly.

~X~

“Are you ready?” Stella asked, looking across the back seat of the car at Tanya.

They could see the press gathered outside the courthouse, the news cameras and reporters documenting everyone as they arrived. Journalists gathered, shouting questions to each person.

Tanya nodded and Stella pushed the door open, forcing herself to a standing position and turning to wait for Tanya. She looked up and saw Chris and Kat emerging from the car in front of theirs as all four of them arrived to testify against Steven Hunt.

The sound of a news reporter’s voice caught her attention as she stood, suddenly conscious of her large stomach.

“Arriving now are Detective Chief Superintendent Chris George and his wife Katherine George. Hunt was suspended some months ago for an incident involving Mrs George.” The reporter motioned over her right shoulder to where Stella was taking Tanya’s hand in her own. “Behind me to the right, are eight and a half months pregnant Detective Superintendent Stella Gibson and her partner Tanya Reed. Ms Reed was also accosted by disgraced officer Steven Hunt. Both officers and their partners will be testifying against Hunt in court today.”

Stella kept her eyes on Chris’ back at he moved forward, Kat’s arm linked in his as they approached the glass doors. She breathed a sigh of relief when they were safely inside away from the glare of the media. She clutched Tanya’s hand in her own as they were led to their waiting room. Both women were familiar with courtrooms and testifying, but it was a tense day.

The public’s reaction to the press conference had been ugly, officers had been subject to abuse left, right and centre. Stella and Chris were no exception. Tanya had been protective to a fault, especially after an incident when they were out shopping the last few baby essentials.

_Tanya was only vaguely paying attention as the shop assistant explained the difference between two travel systems, detailing the accessories that came with each._

_“Excuse me?” A man’s voice made all three women turn to face him._

_“Can I-” He was quick to cut the shop employee off, his attention on Stella._

_“You’re that detective that was on the news the other week, aren’t you?”_

_Stella bit back a sigh, wary off the man’s edgy demeanour and the anger in his eyes. “I am.”_

_“Fuck you!” Before anyone could stop him, the man threw his coffee over Stella._

_Stella gasped in shock as the scalding liquid soaked into her top, stinging her skin and dripping from her hair. Tanya cried out in anger, quickly moving Stella away from her assailant while the shop assistant put herself between them._

_The shop employees had been fantastic. They had taken Stella and Tanya back to their staff room, provided towels soaked in cold water to soothe the burns and insisted that her ruined outfit be replaced on the house. When they had finally emerged with Stella in clean clothes, shaken but composed, they had seen Evans and her partner leading the man to the back of their car._

_They had finally made their purchase of the pram and car seat, making sure to send a large bouquet of flowers to the staff, thanking them for their kindness and help._

Tanya shook her head, breaking from her thoughts when she heard Stella calling her name, a concerned frown on her face. She apologised and sat down beside the blonde, glad that after today she was finally going on maternity leave.

It wasn’t long before Kat was called to testify, followed by Tanya, leaving Chris and Stella alone with their thoughts.

“No matter how this ends, it’s not going to be pretty.” Chris sighed.

Stella shook her head. “If he’s charged, we’ll have half of the country pissed off that we crucified him. If he walks, the entire country will be enraged that we didn’t do enough and that we’re letting him off easy because he was a cop. It’s bad enough as it is, the last thing we need is to be accused of condoning his actions.”

“Just be glad that after today you’re off the hook for a while. Take the time with your baby and forget about the shit show we’re in the middle of here.”

Stella gave a humourless chuckle as her name was called.

~X~

Chris frowned in confusion when he finished his testimony and found Kat only to see that Stella and Tanya were nowhere to be seen. 

“Stella’s waters broke just as she finished her testimony. It’s why it took them so long to call you.” Kat explained, sending a wave of worry through him. She saw the look in his eyes and laid a hand on his arm. “She’s okay. Nothing bad happened, apparently she’s been having contractions for three days now. They’re away to the hospital. They left me with strict instructions to have you wait here and keep them updated on the news. Only once there’s a conclusion are you allowed to show face at the hospital.”

Chris couldn’t help the smile that spread on his face. That sounded like Stella. She was the only person he knew that could be in active labour and still doling out orders with no room for argument. “How close do you think she is to having the baby?”

Kat shrugged. “She seemed pretty uncomfortable up on the stand, shifting around a lot. Kept her hands clasped on the table the whole time but her knuckles were white. She was just about managing to talk through them. I wouldn’t be surprised if things move pretty quickly now that her waters have gone.”

Chris sighed. If he’d known Stella was in labour he would have pushed to have the trial moved until she could reasonably be able to attend.


	11. Chapter 11

Tanya let Stella squeeze her hands hard. They had pulled into the hospital car park just as Stella was crying that she had to push. They had only just gotten her to a bed when she announced that she couldn’t hold back any longer, her body was pushing whether she liked it or not.

Now she stood leaning over the side of Stella’s bed, allowing the blonde to squeeze her hands and sob into her chest. She hadn’t known what to expect when this time finally came. Stella was stoic and had a high threshold for pain. She hadn’t imagined Stella to in bed screaming at the top of her lungs and she had been right. But she hadn’t expected Stella to sob her way through the contractions either and here they were. She groaned and grunted loudly as she pushed but all things considered, she was restrained in comparison to the amount of noise she herself had made giving birth to her girls.

Tanya eyed the nurse on the other side of the bed, holding her camera. It had been the plan for Tanya to take the pictures while supporting Stella but given the intensity of Stella’s sobs, she had passed the device off to the first available person she had seen.

“Come on, Stella, not long now.” The doctor told her firmly. He had discovered almost immediately that Stella had no patience for being coddled. She needed someone to take a firm lead and give her orders. “On the next one we should have baby’s head.”

Stella nodded and gave a low, throaty groan as she pushed again. The doctor was right and she revelled the small break as they waited for the baby to turn. It wasn’t long before she was pushing again and she let out a strangled cry as she felt the burning of the baby’s shoulders emerging.

Tanya hid her concern as Stella’s breathing turned frantic, pained cries coming out in short gasps.

“Stella I need you to breathe for me.” The doctor’s voice was kind but carried a tone of something near a warning. “Follow Tanya’s breathing. We can’t have you blacking out before you get to meet your baby.”

Tanya exaggerated her breathing in an attempt to help calm Stella down. Stella finally managed a deep breath and she pushed herself up with her free hand, turning her face into Tanya’s abdomen, pinning their hands between them. Tanya’s hand found Stella’s hair, massaging her clammy head as Stella gritted her teeth and pushed again.

Stella let out a gasp of relief and collapsed in a heap against her girlfriend when the baby moved into the doctor’s hands. She focused on the feeling of Tanya’s hand in her hair, sobbing with exhaustion as the small noises of their baby’s first cries filled the room.

Tears of happiness streamed down Tanya’s cheeks as she helped Stella sit back against the bed to allow the doctor to place the baby on her chest.

“It’s a boy!” The doctor announced as he placed the baby on Stella’s skin and a nurse quickly covered them both with a towel.

“You were right.” Tanya beamed, unable to take her eyes off of the pair in front of her.

“I’m always right.” Stella joked, a tired smile splitting her face.

~X~

Chris shook his head in disbelief as he walked into Stella’s hospital room. She was in the bed, cleaned up and looking tired but happy. Tanya was nowhere to be seen and there was a nurse bustling about in the background.

“Well you made the news twice today. That has to be a record even for you, Gibson.” Chris’ voice was filled with amusement as he approached and rested his hands on the plastic foot of the bed. At Stella’s raised eyebrow he clarified. “Once when we arrived at the courthouse and apparently some reporters were kind enough to broadcast you having contractions on your way to the car.”

“How thoughtful.” Stella rolled her eyes. “How did it go?”

“Guilty on all charges. I’ll let you know what happens later. But as of today you are on leave.” Stella breathed a sigh of relief and ran a hand through her washed hair. Chris looked around the room. “What the hell happened? I finished giving my testimony and Kat told me your waters broke while you were testifying.”

Stella shook her head. “I’ve been having contractions for like three days. They were pretty consistent until we got to the courthouse. By the time my waters broke they were about three minutes apart and really fucking sore.”

Chris scoffed as the nurse finished filling out Stella’s chart and approached the bed. “You’ve got some kind of hero on your hands here. Not many women can even speak through contractions that strong never mind testify in court. By the time she got here the baby was well on its way.”

“She’s not about to steal my job for nothing.” Chris beamed. Stella’s jaw dropped and he nodded. “When you return from maternity leave you’ll be Detective Chief Superintendent Gibson. Congratulations on all counts.”

“What are you talking about? I didn’t put myself forward for a promotion.”

“No. I did.” Chris told her. “Your work in Belfast was exemplary, minus a few tiny misjudgements. But the work you’ve done since, while dealing with pregnancy, a case where your partner is one of the victims, taking over an internal investigation, dealing with abuse from colleagues, being attacked by rogue civilians. It’s been a lot to take on but you’ve done it with grace and poise and your performance and case closure rates this year have been your best work almost to date. You deserve it.”

Stella wasn’t sure what to say. “Aren’t you disappointed you won’t outrank me anymore?”

Chris laughed. “I might be by the time you come back, but for now I’m just extremely proud of you.”

Stella smiled, suddenly conscious of the nurse’s presence. Before she could think of something to say, Chris saved her. “Where are Tanya and the kid?”

“Tanya is on the phone to Colin and Eileen. She should be back soon. They just took the baby to the nursery while they helped me shower. It’s very undignified this whole childbirth thing.” Stella smirked.

Before either of them could say another word, there was a gentle knock on the door and they turned to see Tanya standing in the doorway pushing a plastic cot.

Stella beamed as Tanya scooped the tiny baby from the cot and placed him in her arms. She adjusted his small hat and looked up at Chris. “Meet your godson.”

Chris smiled. “He’s beautiful. Has he got a name yet?”

“Alex Edward Gibson.” Tanya answered.

“See, I told you that you were panicking over nothing. He was never going to be nameless.” Chris told her.

Stella rolled her eyes as she offered the baby to him and turned her attention to Tanya who was taking pictures of her son and his godfather. “Did you talk to Colin and Eileen?”

Tanya nodded and put the camera down. “Eileen is on her way with your hospital bag. She said they’ll bring the girls straight from school and keep them overnight. She also offered to keep them for a night or two when you get home to give you some space to settle before chaos reigns once more.”

Stella smiled again, she was lucky to have such a support system.

~X~

Stella lay curled up in her hospital bed, watching both girls sitting in the large chair nearby, their new brother in their laps, Tanya crouching beside the chair supporting the baby. She was so tired that she could feel her eyelids drooping, but she didn’t want to look away from the precious moment. She almost jumped out of her skin when Eileen sat on the bed by her knees and laid a gentle hand on her leg.

“Sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean to startle you.” Eileen’s voice was soft and Stella realised that she must have been starting to doze off. “You need your rest, we’ll take the girls home and let you get some sleep.”

“Thank you.” Stella’s voice was thick and unlike her usual self. “For everything.”

“Any time. You’re my girl as much as Tanya is. All of you are family.” Eileen told her sincerely. “You make a beautiful baby.”

Stella was inclined to agree with her. As far as they could tell so far, the baby had thin light brown hair, much like her own natural colour. And while his eyes may well change, for the moment they were the same dreamy blue as hers. She had spent almost an hour cradling him in her lap earlier, just staring at his face, taking in all of the details and committing them to memory.

By the time she had bid goodbye to the girls and Tanya had shown them to the door of the ward, Stella was fast asleep with her face buried in the pillow. The baby was sleeping in his cot beside her, just within arm’s reach and Stella’s index finger of her left hand brushed one of his tiny hands.

Tanya pulled out her phone to take a picture, unwilling to risk disturbing either of them with the shutter on her large camera. She carefully sat in the seat vacated by the girls and stared at the pair in front of her. She had never loved or admired Stella more than she did now and she couldn’t find it within her to explain it. All she knew was that she cried every time she thought of the look on Stella’s face when she laid eyes on her son.


	12. Chapter 12

Stella bit back a smile as she wheeled the pram into the coffee shop to see Dani and Evans – whose first name she now knew to be Quinn – seated and waiting for her. She hated being late for everything but given her son’s terrible timing when it came to demanding food, she found herself running late for everything.

Dani greeted her with a tight hug while Evans hung back and gave her a kind smile. “Congratulations.”

Stella thanked her and angled the pram to allow the two women to gaze down at her son.

“He looks just like you!” Evans exclaimed quietly, looking between mother and son to pick out the identical features.

The baby started to wake, his small face scrunching up in displeasure. Stella reached down into the pram and removed his blanket, scooping him up and settling him against her shoulder as Dani disappeared to get her a cup of tea and something to eat.

As they waited for Dani’s return, Stella noticed the apprehension of Evans’ face. “Everything okay, PC Evans?”

“You can call me Quinn.” The younger woman told her quietly. “And everything’s fine. I just wanted to thank you for passing Dani’s number onto me. I’m not even sure what made me contact her but I’m glad I did. She’s amazing and I have you to thank for that. I wasn’t in the best place when we first started talking but she made me want to help myself. I’m doing much better now and it’s thanks to both you and her. So thank you.”

Stella smiled. “I’m glad. She’s worth her weight in gold. That say in the hallway I saw the same in you as I saw in her the first time we spoke. I hoped you’d be a good match, if not as a couple, then at least as friends and fellow officers.”

Dani returned and placed the tray on the table in front of Stella. She could barely contain her glee when Stella carefully laid the baby in her arms, allowing her to take him to her seat beside Quinn.

“Are you two talking about me?” Dani asked in mock suspicion.

“Always.” Stella winked. “How are you? It’s been a while since we spoke.”

Dani smiled. “I actually have some news.”

Stella raised her eyebrows. “You’re getting married? You’re pregnant? You’ve met the queen? You bought a dog? Or are you a cat person?”

Dani laughed. “None of the above, but I am moving to London so maybe I’ll meet the queen someday.”

Stella hid her surprise well. She knew that she and Tanya had moved fast by some people’s standards, but she was surprised that Dani was willing to move all the way from Belfast after only a few months.

Dani read between the lines and addressed her concerns. “We’re not moving in together right away or anything like that. But I want out of Belfast. I was able to get a transfer to the Met. It was approved this morning but I haven’t got a start date yet.”

“So long as you are happy, I’m happy for you.” Stella said genuinely. “You know where I am if you need anything.”

“Thank you.”

Stella sat for a moment, relishing the ability to drink a hot cup of tea and finish her food without being interrupted by her son’s cries. He was settled in Dani’s arms, staring up at her. Since Tanya had gone back to work last week it had been an endless cycle of making a cup of tea and leaving it abandoned as she cared for Alex only to microwave the tea and start it all over again. It was a relief on the days when Eileen visited.

The older woman was a godsend. Rather than fawning over the baby while Stella did the housework, she sent Stella for a bath or a shower or for a nap while she took Alex downstairs with her and cooked, cleaned and did the washing in between caring for him.

Stella was beyond grateful. Between her and Tanya they were just scraping by with the chores, the girls were relatively independent but still needed attention and help with homework. Most nights consisted of one of them reheating food prepared and frozen by Eileen while the other juggled feeding Alex with helping the girls with their work.

It had only been three weeks but they were finally falling into a steady and manageable routine. Today was the first time Stella had ventured out of the house with Alex alone. She and Eileen had gone on a few early afternoon walks and occasionally stopped for a cup of tea, but Stella knew that if she could get through the morning meeting with Dani and Quinn that she’d be okay from then on, confident in her ability to manage her son without a more experienced adult present.

~X~

Tanya smiled when she arrived home from work. It had been a long day and the scene in front of her made her heart melt with pride. Stella was moving around the kitchen, dressed in a pair of grey joggers and a long-sleeved top with baby spit up on the shoulder and chest and her hair had been pulled back in a messy bun but was now falling all over the place. She was juggling two plates in one hand, a carton of apple juice in the other and had a baby bottle tucked into one arm.

The girls were sitting at the set table, waiting for their plates, their homework piles now on the worktop instead of the table. Leila was rocking Alex’s pram to soothe him as he began to fuss as a timer on the oven woke him up. It was chaos but it was their family.

She was quick to drop her bag by the door, leaving her jacket on as she moved into the kitchen and caught Stella’s attention. “What can I do?”

“Can you feed Alex?” Stella replied with a relieved smile, allowing Tanya to take the warm bottle from her side. She smiled when her girlfriend placed a quick kiss on her cheek from behind. “Hi.”

Tanya scooped up the baby as Stella put the girls’ plates in front of them, pouring the apple juice into their waiting cups. When she turned around to retrieve their food from the oven, she smiled when she saw Tanya already turning off the timer with Alex in one arm and his bottle balanced under her chin.

“Thank you.” Stella said, making eye contact for a brief moment as she grabbed the oven gloves and prayed that their food wasn’t burnt.

“Thank you for doing all of this.” Tanya replied, noting that the food was fresh, not one of Eileen’s pre-prepared meals. “What brought this on?”

Stella shrugged, her back to Tanya as she plated up their dinner. “I met Dani and Evans – whose first name is Quinn, by the way – for a catch up so Dani could meet Alex this morning. It went well and I was feeling quite confident afterwards.”

Tanya beamed as she sat down at the table. “So what did you do today?”

“We had quite the day.” Stella announced. “After I saw Dani and Evans, I called Chris and stopped by work to let a few people meet Alex. Then I walked to the school to get the girls. We did homework and then the girls helped make dinner.”

Tanya felt her heart swell as she turned to her daughters. The two had been quiet as they always were when eating, far too focused on their food to hold a conversation. “Did you two have a good day? How was school?”

Stella put a plate and a glass of wine in front of Tanya, placing her own plate on the table before she took Alex from her girlfriend and burped him, cleaning up the little bit of spit up before she placed him in his pram while she sat down to eat.

Tanya looked at Stella in confusion when she realised that the blonde had a glass of water beside her plate rather than the wine Stella had provided for her. She chose not to question it but felt almost guilty for even looking at the glass until Stella noticed it remained untouched.

“It’s okay, Tee.”

The nickname caught Tanya’s attention. Stella rarely used it, only when tone of them was feeling vulnerable. The girls were still sitting across from them, finishing the last of their dinners as Stella gave Tanya’s leg a reassuring squeeze. It only served to worry Tanya more as she instructed Leila to rinse off the two plates and told Emma to put her homework back in her schoolbag.

Once they were alone, she took Stella’s empty plate with her own and piled them in the sink. She turned back to Stella, her eyes full of concern. “Are you okay?”

Stella nodded unconvincingly. “I will be. I think I overdid it today.”

Tanya wasn’t surprised. Until today, Stella hadn’t been out of the house much since Alex was born. She’d ended up needing stitches after the birth and between the soreness and getting the hang of looking after a tiny baby, she was content to stay in the house most days. But she sensed that wasn’t all that was bothering her. “Stell, talk to me.”

“Burns is in London. With a fresh promotion to Deputy Chief Constable.” Tanya’s face fell and Stella was quick to try to reassure her. “I wasn’t anywhere near him. Chris gave me the heads up that he was coming to meet with Flemming. I was leaving just as his car pulled up.” Stella let out a small groan and tucked her loose hair behind her ear. “I’m just tired and sore and seeing him enraged me. I can’t be the first woman he’s crossed the line with, not one of the female officers I worked with in Belfast liked to spend more time than necessary in his presence. And all he gets for it is a fucking promotion.”

“I’m sorry, Stella.” Tanya moved behind the blonde’s seat and wrapped her arms over her shoulders in a comforting hug. “But thank you, for picking the girls up and helping with their homework. And for making us all dinner.”

“I wanted to do something nice for you. You’ve done a lot of running around for me over the last few weeks – months really – and I wanted to thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me. It’s what I’m here for. We’re in this together. I’ll pick up the slack when you can’t and I know that you’d do the same for me.” Tanya told her honestly. “Why don’t you go for a bath or a shower? It’ll soothe the pain, at least for a little while. I’ll put on a movie for the girls, Alex has just been fed so he’ll only need changed or a cuddle while you’re away. We’ll all be okay. Just come back down when you feel ready.”

Stella nodded, internally wondering how on earth she had managed to make this woman love her. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Now come on.” Tanya held out a hand and pulled Stella to her feet. “If you need anything just shout.”

It was almost an hour later when Tanya left Alex sleeping in his Moses basket with the girls for a few minutes to check on Stella. She was worried that she hadn’t heard a peep from the blonde since the noise of the bath draining and while she knew it was possible Stella had fallen asleep, she wanted to be sure.

She knocked gently on the bedroom door and pushed it open, surprised and a little concerned to see Stella lying on their bed, still semi wrapped in a towel. Stella lifted her head in acknowledgement, prepared to cover herself if one of the girls had appeared. When she saw Tanya, she let her head fall back onto the pillow.

“You okay?” Tanya asked as she perched on the edge of the bed.

Stella nodded. “I made the bath warm but not hot but then it went cold too quickly so I added more hot, but then I got too warm and started to feel sick and dizzy. I’ve been lying here trying to cool down and wait for the dizziness to pass since I got out.”

Tanya knew she shouldn’t laugh, but this was the same dilemma Stella had every single time she took a bath. So she rolled her eyes in despair and disappeared to get a glass of water for the blonde.

When she returned, Stella was sitting up, legs swung over the sided of her bed and staring at her naked reflection in the mirror. Tanya placed the water on the bedside table and noticed Stella’s underwear drawer was wide open.

Seeing the question in Tanya’s eyes, stella put her hand into the drawer and pulled out some black lingerie. It was a one-piece body suit that she loved and knew Tanya loved too. “Remember when I could just put things like this one whenever I felt like it? She seems like a completely different person now, a different lifetime. I can’t even remember the last time I wore this.”

Tanya smiled softly and sat down next to her. “You’ll get her back. Maybe not immediately but it’ll happen. You just spent nine months growing our beautiful baby boy. If you want to stick to wearing big comfy granny pants for the rest of your life, that’s fine too. It’s what makes you happy. I don’t care what you’re wearing.”

Stella smiled and in her other hand held up the pair of comfortable stretchy pants, a stark contrast to the sexy lingerie she wore before. She almost cried with happiness when Tanya pulled a frozen maternity pad out from behind her back. It was a hack she’d seen online. Stella still had no idea what she had actually added to the pad before she froze it, but she didn’t care. The cold compresses had been a life saver since the day they were allowed to come home from hospital.

Tanya placed a kiss to Stella’s hair before heading back downstairs to make sure the girls and the baby were all okay.

When Stella appeared five minutes later she crawled onto the couch and pulled Tanya into her, hugging her against her chest. She wasn’t sure how her girlfriends had managed to convince the girls to watch a movie that wasn’t animated and had no singing, but she’d take it without question, content to just watch the movie as she tried not to fall asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Stella felt the knot twisting in her stomach as she paced the living room. The girls were at school and Tanya had taken Alex to meet Rose. She had been invited, too but had decided to afford Tanya some time alone with her friend. She hadn’t been able to take her mind off of Alex and if he was okay without her. That was until the phone call she had received ten minutes ago.

The noise of the door opening caught her attention and she turned to see Rose helping Tanya lift the pram up the stairs. The brunette gave her a wide smile and once inside greeted her with a hug.

“Congratulations, Stella. He’s gorgeous and he looks just like you!” Rose exclaimed.

“Rose and the kids gave us this.” Tanya said, holding up a blue gift bag.

“Rose, you shouldn’t have!” Stella gasped, looking over the beautiful clothes that had been wrapped in tissue paper. “They’re beautiful.”

Rose only shrugged. “I have to get going, I’m afraid. I arranged to meet another friend for coffee. I just came to say congratulations.”

Stella smiled and bid the brunette goodbye. As soon as the door shut, Tanya turned on her heel to face her.

“What’s wrong? I can feel the anxiety rolling off of you.”

Stella sighed as Alex began to fuss and scooped him up, cradling his tiny body against her shoulder. She nodded for Tanya to follow her into the living room and started to speak once they both were seated.

“My sister called this morning.” Tanya’s brow furrowed. She knew Stella had a sister but that was all she knew. The two weren’t in contact and the sister lived somewhere abroad now. “She’s invited herself to stay with us.”

“For how long? From when?” Tanya questioned. “Why?”

“She hung up before I was able to ask any questions. But I know she’s arriving at Heathrow later tonight. Apparently she wants to visit her godson.”

Tanya frowned. “I thought-”

Stella nodded in reassurance. “Rose is his godmother. But my sister seems to think that sharing DNA means she’s entitled to whatever she wants. What’s mine is hers, is how she sees it. Not that I’m godmother to either of her children of course.”

Tanya took a moment to process the information. Within seconds her mind was flooded with questions. So she voiced them. “How is she getting here? When does her flight get in? Where is she going to sleep? Where has she been for the last what, fifteen years? What’s her name? Is she older or younger? Does she know about me? The girls? What does she think of the fact that I’m a woman? How long are you realistically willing to let her stay?”

Stella stared wide-eyed at Tanya and let out a half laugh before she attempted to answer. “I’m going to pick her up from the airport. It’ll give me time to try to get some answers out of her before she gets to the house, then if I don’t want her here it’s easier to dump her at a hotel somewhere. Her flight gets in at seven thirty. She can sleep in the nursery, we’ll just take what we need out of it. Her name is Natalie, she’s a year older than me. Yes, she knows about you and the girls. I’m not certain what her opinions are on it but that’s why I want to pick her up… I don’t want her to stay at all, Tee. But if I have to then at most it’ll be a night or two, any longer and I’ll ask her to stay at a hotel. It’s not fair on the girls for her to be here when they have school in the mornings.”

Tanya nodded and pulled Stella into a hug, pressing a soft kiss to the back of Alex’s head.

~X~

Stella shifted anxiously as she stood in the arrivals area of the airport. Alex was fast asleep in his car seat, tucked under a thick blanket and a soft hat against the December cold. The board overhead told her Natalie’s flight had landed just over five minutes ago and knowing that her sister had no patience for anyone or anything, she knew it wouldn’t be long before she appeared.

Stella’s eyes were drawn to her son at her feet as he started to fuss, the bustle of the busying surroundings disturbing him. She crouched in front of him and gently guided the dummy into his mouth, rocking the car seat in an attempt to soothe him. The last thing she needed was a newborn meltdown just as she saw her sister for the first time in over a decade.

The sound of heels and a suitcase approaching drew her attention away from Alex and she stood, hooking her arm under the handle to lift the car seat. Her eyes fell on her sister and the anxiety returned tenfold.

Natalie wasn’t shy about her wealth. She dressed well, bought only the finer brands of luggage and there was an aura around her that just screamed stuck up. Stella sighed as she stayed put, refusing to meet her sister halfway.

“Natalie.” Stella greeted, unsure of what else to say.

“Stella. I wasn’t expecting you to come all the way here to pick me up. I could have booked a car!” Natalie exclaimed, the lack of bitterness in her tone throwing Stella for a loop. “Especially if I had known you were going to bring the baby!”

Stella gave her a tight smile and nodded towards the door. They walked to the car in near silence, the only noises of Alex beginning to wake properly.

When they reached the car, Stella opened the back door and secured the car seat. Natalie thanked her as she opened the boot and helped shove the excessive bags in before she slammed it shut just as Alex started crying.

Stella sighed and looked at Natalie with a vague apology. “I have to feed him before we go anywhere. If I don’t he’ll just scream the whole way home.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Natalie gave her a soft smile and then climbed into the passenger seat, leaving Stella staring after her in confusion as she stripped her jacket and scarf off.

A moment later, Stella sat in the driver’s seat and turned on the engine for heat, opening her loose button-up shirt with one hand with Alex cradled in the other arm. She could feel Natalie’s eyes on her but said nothing and focused on getting her son situated.

Natalie watched as the baby latched on, her eyes darted to Stella’s face just in time to see her wince in pain and let out a slow breath, her head falling back against the headrest. She ran a hand through her blonde curls before she finally turned her head to meet her sister’s eyes.

“It won’t hurt like that forever. Even if it seems like it now.” Natalie’s voice was soft and Stella gave her a small smile. “When I had Blair I nearly gave up. She wasn’t feeding very well and I was sore and frustrated. But when she was almost eight weeks old, there was one day where for whatever reason, it just didn’t hurt anymore. She seemed happier and I hardly ever had to pump or use a substitute. How old is he now?”

“Three and a half weeks.” Stella answered, her eyes falling to her baby again.

“It’s still early days. You’ll get the hang of it. You’re already way ahead of me. I couldn’t leave the house on my own with Blair until she was almost three months, it took me even longer to dare to venture out in the car with her.”

“It was only a few days ago I took him out alone for the first time. Until then Tanya’s mother-in-law was helping out. Tanya had to go back to work after a week.”

“Mother-in-law?” Natalie questioned with a confused frown. “Stella, what…?”

Stella let out a humourless laugh but was relieved that so far, Natalie hadn’t said anything opposing her relationship. “She’s not married. I just don’t know what else to call her. Tanya’s ex-husband is in prison in Belfast for assault. His parents adopted him when he was nine. They’ve never let Tanya or the girls down. They’re essentially just Tanya’s second parents. Better than her actual ones…”

Natalie nodded in vague understanding. She knew it was none of her business, especially given her lack of contact over the years. She watched Stella burp the baby and fix her shirt before she got out of the car to secure the boy in the back seat once more. When she returned, Natalie put a hand over one of hers before she could move to drive away.

“I know this is out of the blue. But I wanted to say I’m sorry. I’ve had a lot of tough lessons to learn over the past few years and it’s taught me about what’s important. We don’t have to talk about it now or even on this visit. But I’d like it if at some point, we could talk things through properly. Just at least promise me you’ll think about it.”

“I will.” Stella nodded and put the car into drive. She glanced over at Natalie as they left the airport. “Please don’t take this the wrong way. But before I can take you home to Tanya and the girls, I just need to know where you stand on my relationship. We never had reason to talk about it before. But if you’re not comfortable with it then I can’t let you come into my house and upset my family.”

The comment stung a little but Natalie knew it was valid. She understood her sister’s fears and she thought about how best to answer it. “I won’t lie, I was surprised when I heard you were with a woman. But when I thought about it I realised it almost made sense. One of my big life lessons recently was how not to be a close-minded dick about things I haven’t and won’t experience.”

Stella raised an eyebrow at her sister’s bluntness. “I know you’re closer to mum than I ever was, but please, if you’re going to be here, I don’t want her anywhere near my house, my girlfriend, or our kids. It’s all I ask.”

Natalie nodded. “Okay. If you want me to stay at a hotel, Stella, I can. I didn’t realise the baby was so young.”

Stella shook her head. “We have a sofa-bed in the nursery you can sleep on. He’s obviously still in our room. There’s a few things we’ll have to collect before you settle in for the night but it’s okay. Depending on how things are going come Sunday night, I might have to ask you to stay in a hotel then. The girls are really sensitive to change and they’re just getting used to having the baby around, I don’t want them losing sleep or being unsteady at school.”

“You’re a good person, Stella.”

Stella gave another unsure smile and kept her eyes on the road.

~X~

Stella looked up at the house as she parked across the road. The lights in the girls’ bedrooms were on so she assumed they were upstairs. There was light coming from the living room and the kitchen so she wasn’t sure exactly where Tanya would be.

By the time she and Natalie were unloading the bags, the front door had swung open and Tanya had made her way to the back seat to help with bringing everything inside.

With the door shut behind them, Stella ushered her sister and Tanya into the living room where she took Alex from the seat and rocked him slowly. She could see in Tanya’s eyes that she was almost terrified and sent her a reassuring smile.

“Natalie, this is my girlfriend, Tanya. Tee, this is my sister Natalie.”

“It’s lovely to meet you.” Tanya smiled, shaking the other woman’s hand.

“Likewise.” Natalie said before her eyes began to wander. “I can’t believe you still live here.”

“I didn’t for a while.” Stella shrugged. “I rented it out while I was at university for some extra cash. But once I started working for the Met I moved back in.”

“It’s the same but different.” Natalie observed.

Stella looked around and knew what she meant. The décor had changed, more in some places than others, but it still held the feeling of their childhood home. She took a breath and offered Natalie tea, coffee or food, almost relieved when Tanya offered to make the beverages.

Stella nodded for Natalie to follow her and moved up the stairs. “You know where the bathrooms are. Tanya and I are in mum and dad’s old room. The nursery is my old room. Emma’s room is yours and Leila’s is dad’s office.”

Natalie said nothing, letting her eyes roam over the house. It felt off, like in a dream when you know where you are but nothing is quite right. She followed Stella along the landing to the door she now knew to be the nursery.

Stella pushed open the door and flipped the lights on. “I’ll help you bring your bags up in a bit.”

Natalie felt tears sting her eyes when she took in the nursery. “It’s beautiful.”

When they reached the next room, they heard quiet voices coming from the inside and Stella knocked, waiting for an invitation before she opened the door. “Girls, we have a guest.”

Leila and Emma stood up. Their mum had told them Stella’s sister was coming to visit. When the woman walked in, they looked at her unsurely. She was taller than Stella and didn’t look much like her, but they both gave polite smiles.

“Girls, this is my sister, Natalie. Nat, this is Leila, she’s ten. And Emma who is six.”

Natalie squatted down to be closer to Emma’s height and spoke softly with them before she stood and let them return to their game. Stella moved out of the room and back downstairs, meeting Tanya in the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone is interested I have Kate Winslet in mind for Stella's sister, but if that doesn't suit then feel free to imagine her as you wish :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is as far I've gotten that can be considered a full chapter, I'll try to work on it and either continue it or bring it to a close, but either way, if you've gotten this far seriously, I applaud you because halfway through writing it I'm sure I just got lost and had fun :)

Stella sighed as she crawled into bed beside and Tanya pulled her close. Her mind was spinning.

“Your sister seems nice.” Tanya began, leaving it to Stella to either continue the conversation or to put an end to it.

Stella let out another sigh, a less contented one this time. “Almost too nice.”

Tanya said nothing and waited for Stella to gather her thoughts.

“The last time we spoke, she lectured me about how I had to find a better career or better yet find myself a man with enough money that I wouldn’t need a career. She was very like my mother but now it seems she’s the polar opposite and I don’t know what to think.” Stella rolled over to look at Tanya. “I’m worried that she’s just putting on a show, that it won’t last and everything will be back to normal soon. But there’s a vulnerability that I haven’t seen in her before.”

“Did she say anything in the car?”

“She told me she’s learnt a lot of big life lessons recently. That one of them was in her words, not to be a _close-minded dick_ about things she can’t relate to. She also said she was surprised when she found out I was with you, but that it makes sense. Which is something I never would have expected her to say before.”

Tanya sighed. “Maybe give her the benefit of the doubt, see how things go. I know you two haven’t spoken in a very long time, but it’s never too late to try to fix things.”

Stella nodded. “I noticed earlier that she isn’t wearing her wedding rings. There’s a ring on her finger, but it’s not like the ones she used to flaunt to anyone who would look. It’s more understated.”

~X~

Tanya rubbed her eyes as she stood at the kitchen counter holding her fussy baby. She was waiting for the bottle of Stella’s pumped milk to heat up. She had been happy when she’d managed to get to the baby before he started crying. Stella needed sleep.

When the bottle was warm, she tested the temperature before she pressed the bottle gently against Alex’s lips, smiling when he started guzzling the milk immediately.

Now he was quiet and happy, Tanya quietly made her way upstairs. She paused at the top when she heard muffled sobs, worried that one of the girls had had a nightmare. She frowned when she realised that they were coming from the nursery instead.

Stella sat up in bed when Tanya pushed the door open carefully and smiled when she saw them. The smile faded when she saw Tanya’s worried face. “What’s wrong is he okay?”

“He’s fine, don’t worry.” Tanya nodded. “But your sister is crying her eyes out down the hall.”

Stella threw the covers off and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She found her fluffy robe and slippers and quietly shuffled to the nursery where she knocked once on the door and then pushed it open a little.

“Natalie?” Her voice was barely a whisper but she knew by the hitch in the air that Natalie had heard her.

“I’m fine, Stella. Go back to sleep.”

There was a thickness to her voice that led Stella to ignore her and enter the room, shutting the door silently behind her. She didn’t turn the light on. Instead she moved to the foldout bed and sat beside her sister. She said nothing, simply rested a hand on Natalie’s back, listening as the sobs subsided.

Natalie sniffed a few times and leaned back against the wall before she spoke quietly. “I should have told you before.”

Stella’s stomach dropped. Usually when someone said those words to her, it was the start of a complicated and heart wrenching case.

“It’s nothing you have to worry about really. But given that you’re my sister, it’s the kind of thing you should know.”

“Go on.”

Natalie took a shaky but grounding breath, staring at the wooden cot across the room. “My husband left me, three years ago. He got custody of the kids. I’ve seen them twice this year. Neither of them will talk to me.”

“I’m sorry.” Stella told her genuinely. “Do you mind if I ask what happened?”

Natalie gave a humourless chuckle. “I slept with someone else. It wasn’t quite an affair- well, I guess that depends on your definition because Lewis certainly thought it was. When he found out he kicked me out of the house, then petitioned for custody. He had a fancy house, fantastic job and he had them on his side. I had nothing. No home, no job, no money. I had to lie to mum to get a loan to find myself a cheap car to sleep in, and then continue lying to her so that I could borrow more money to lease an apartment because I couldn’t get a job without a fixed address.”

Stella frowned. Their mother had always despised Natalie’s husband. “Why did you have to lie to her?”

“Because the person I slept with was a woman.” Natalie admitted. Once the words had escaped, she reached over and turned on the lamp.

Stella had gone blank. No facial expression, no thoughts, no movement. It was only when she heard Natalie sniff beside her that she was snapped back to reality.

Natalie gave a small chuckle at the surprise that overtook Stella’s face as she processed the information. “Like I said, big life lessons.”

“I don’t know what to say.” Stella admitted.

Natalie shrugged. “I saw her a couple of times after that but I was well aware that she had a taste for the finer things in life. But I’m okay now. Well, I was okay.”

“I was engaged, had an okay job, a better place than the first one, an okay car. I even paid mum back every penny. It wasn’t a bad life.”

“So what happened?”

Natalie let out a long breath. “Mum found out. She told my fiancé who in turn asked for his ring back.” She looked down at the ring on her ring finger. “This one is just a cheap one I got from the supermarket because it felt wrong not wearing one…” She looked at Stella with sad eyes. “I’m really sorry, that I ever did anything to make you feel like you were something disgusting or that your relationship was something that should be hidden. Truly. I know now that the people you love, or even just sleep with, they don’t make you any less you…

“I mean, it was never going to be a relationship with her. Even if I wasn’t married. It was always just sex. I liked the attention. Lewis was always working, when he wasn’t he was ‘too tired’ or when we did have sex it was just going through the motions. But with her, she gave me the attention I was craving. She touched me and made me feel good about myself, and all I had to do was give her the same. No strings or commitments or expectations.”

“I understand.” Stella nodded. “Before I met Tanya, in fact, technically also after the very first time I met Tanya, I was the queen of the one night stand. I’d see someone I liked the look of, male or female and I’d pick them up. They’d be gone no later than six the next morning, usually earlier. But it was for similar reasons to you. I wanted to feel good. I told myself I didn’t have time for a relationship. But clearly that was false. Granted even before Alex was born, I was working less than when I was single. But working was a coping mechanism in and of itself. I’d work to avoid being lonely at home. I’d swim if I couldn’t work. If I couldn’t swim, I’d go to a bar. If I went to a bar I’d take someone home with me. It’s a crutch. Sometimes you don’t even realise it until someone points it out to you. It does put a bit of a damper on things, though, when twice in a row, the man you’ve slept with gets shot the next day.”

“What?” Natalie asked, a mixture of shock and amusement in her voice. Stella gave a small smile.

“I was sent to Belfast last year to review a case of theirs that wasn’t making progress. I fucked a sergeant in my hotel room and the next night he was gunned down outside his home. His young son saw it.” She heard Natalie gasp but she kept talking. “Then the next time… it was a bad decision really, he fawned over me like a lost puppy, got very jealous very quickly. I don’t think he was quite mature enough to handle the one and done, ‘I’ll see you tomorrow at work’ thing I used to be very good at. We were looking for a missing woman, one of Tanya’s best friends. We had her captor handcuffed to the officer I slept with, when someone he had issues with appeared in the forest with a gun. He shot the suspect a number of times. Tom caught one in the arm before Dani shot the gunman.”

“Holy fuck, Stella. What happened?”

“I was crucified in the press for sleeping with the first one. Not that he told me he was married, but anyway… The second one was fine, but he acted like a teenager from then on. When he and Spector were shot, he was only hit once, Spector a number of times. So I ran to Spector. I wanted to get justice for the people he had killed. Tom took that as a sign that I was infatuated with the killer and that I only slept with him because he was similar in his features.” Stella rolled her eyes in annoyance and Natalie couldn’t help but laugh quietly.

“I guess this is why I came to see you.” Natalie admitted. “Not so you could tell me stories about getting your flings shot, obviously. But I knew you’d understand. I meant what I said earlier, you’re a good person.”

Stella sighed and took one of Natalie’s hands in her own. “You are, too. Everyone makes mistakes. Your children will come around when they realise that there are two sides to every story. It might take a while but they’ll get there.”

“You don’t talk to our mum.” There was no accusation in Natalie’s voice, only a sense of fear.

Stella sighed. “That’s because of how she’s treated _me_ in the past, Nat. Not because of something she did with another person. If you’”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m glad you told me. And I’m glad that you’re here.”

“I’m thinking of moving back.” Natalie admitted. “I think a fresh start on home soil might be good for me.”

Stella nodded. “We can help you find a place to stay and a job if you need.”

Natalie smiled and squeezed Stella’s hand. “Thank you. For everything. Now, go back to bed. You have a baby to look after in the morning.”

As Natalie finished speaking there was the creaking of a floorboard down the hall. They listened for a moment and it sounded like Tanya was pacing the bedroom.

Stella sighed. “It sounds like I have a baby to look after now. I love him so much but I need to get him out of the habit of only going back to sleep if I feed him. Tanya was feeding him when I came in here so he’s not hungry.”

“He just loves his mummy.” Stella smiled at Natalie’s words. “He’ll grow out of it, or if he doesn’t you can stop it slowly. Remember, it’s still early days. You’ll be okay.”

Stella nodded her thanks and when she opened the door she heard the faint sound of her son’s cries.

When she returned to the bedroom, Tanya looked like she was close to tears herself.

Stella moved to her quickly and placed a kiss to her forehead, freeing a breast from her camisole. She took the baby and sat down against the headboard to let him latch on, unsurprised when he didn’t start feeding. She held her free arm out and nodded for Tanya to join them.

Tanya did as she was told and curled into Stella’s side, tucking her head under the blonde’s chin.

Stella ran her hand through dark hair and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I love you, Tee.”

“I love you, too, Stell.” Tanya replied. “I’m sorry you had to come back. I couldn’t get him to settle. He was almost asleep after his feed but I put him down too early and then he wouldn’t calm down.”

“It’s okay.” Stella promised. “We were finished anyway. Besides, I love my sister but he’s my son.”

“I should be able to settle him.”

Stella shifted so that Tanya had no choice but to look at her. “Do you remember when he was a week old? When you came home from grocery shopping? He was crying and I had tried everything, it hurt to feed him but he was hungry, but then when I tried to feed him he wouldn’t latch on? I was sitting on the bathroom floor with him, crying my eyes out when you got home?”

Tanya nodded. She had panicked at first, terrified that something dreadful had happened.

“I was so scared that I was a terrible mother, that my baby was suffering because I couldn’t care for him properly.” Stella recalled. “You picked us up off the floor, took us to the bed and you calmed me down. And then you calmed him down. After a few minutes he was feeding and I was asleep on your shoulder. I don’t know what I would have done without you that day. You stopped me from going insane. We’re both going to have days when we get overwhelmed and we feel like we’re failing. But remember what you told me. We’re a team. We’re in this together and we can lean on each other.”

Tanya smiled and pressed a soft kiss to Stella’s lips. “Thank you.”

“Never thank me.” Stella smiled. She chuckled softly when she realised that they likely said those words more than you’re welcome.

She looked down at Alex and noticed that he was no longer latched onto her breast. Carefully she stood from the bed and put him down, making sure he was definitely sound asleep before she fixed her top and climbed back into bed, burying herself in the covers and pulling Tanya tight against her for comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading if you got this far :D


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